i am a lousy listener.
i’ve improved some in recent years, with painful attention to being present. but, my natural inclination is to not listen. not that i intentionally choose to ignore. i just get distracted with other, seemingly more attractive or more pressing or more loud magnets of my focus.
nowhere is this more evident than with god.
i want some insight. i need some wisdom. i long for direction. but my plate is so full and my pace so quick and my distractions so plentiful that i have, i’m confident, power-stepped right past insight and wisdom and direction straight from heaven thousands of times (maybe even thousands of times per day).
and right now, i have a massive, life-altering decision in my lap. it’s a choice between good and good (even great and great); but the unfortunate and necessary reality of choosing between great things is that not choosing one of the great things is a loss. which means, in the end, a choice between great and great becomes a lose/lose proposition. whichever way i go on this, i’ll lose something. i know that sounds pessimistic — i’m a natural optimist, actually; it’s just the reality i’m facing.
in order to listen, i have to shut out the distractions of:
- writing deadlines
event planning
coaching cohort launching
marketing
website development
branding
planning my talks for saturday’s parent summit
planning my talk for the college ministry sunday night
booking that flight
reviewing those 3 book proposals
sending out 2 invoices
tv
music
texting
google reader
and so, so many others things calling to me.
so i’m in the desert (actually, i left yesterday — wednesday — and set this post to go live today while i’m already out there). it’s a literal desert, by the way. not a figurative or metaphorical desert. i’m in the same cabin i’ve gone to many time previous, to seek god and listen and be silent. i’m fasting for two days (something i don’t practice often enough), unplugging, listening, journalling, praying, and generally shutting up.
it’s the worst time imaginable to leave my desk and go to the desert; which means it’s the most important time possible.
