Is active listening in your ministry and parenting skill-set? How well do you really hear children? Listen up to these important words about the value of using your ears, mind, and heart.
Do you know why even the best minds of the past misunderstood children, especially babies? Because they never spent time with them. They weren’t talking to them, asking them questions, or listening to what they had to say. As is often the case with brilliant thinkers, they relied on their own ability to dissect, wrestle with, and eventually grasp any subject.
Adults made assumptions about young children that were far from the truth. Whether an ancient thinker such as Aristotle or more recent psychologists such as Freud and Skinner, they rarely took time to actually study children!
Listen Up! Practice Active Listening with Children
Unfortunately, the same thing happens in today’s classrooms. Teachers, many quite knowledgeable in their fields, might neglect the students themselves. And this occurs not only in high schools or universities. Preschool and elementary teachers can be guilty too…often because of the same basic assumption that philosophers made. We think children are simple creatures who need adult help to keep them functioning until they enter the adult world.
It’s easy to see why that view would appear almost obvious. After all, babies cannot speak, coordinate their own movements, or even feed themselves. Even as children grow older and more advanced in their abilities, they still depend on adults in so many ways.
Caregivers incorrectly interpret this need as a sign of deficiency in the young child. In fact, quite the opposite is true. Child psychologists have made crucial discoveries to correct our views. Yet many basic assumptions persist in the classroom.
Adults must let go of some preconceived notions. They must engage in observation and active listening. Adults must let children make mistakes and keep trying. Teachers and parents tend to hover around children. Adults try to keep absolute order, ready to swoop down anytime a child is in need. Maybe they’re carrying something too heavy or making a mess trying to put glitter on glue.
The Impact of Active Listening
If you engage in active listening, you will consistently hear one message from kids. “Let me do this on my own!” Children possess a fierce desire for independence. Why else would they struggle so hard to walk, while consistently falling down, often very painfully? Why else would they make such concentrated efforts to learn language? Simply to tell you they love you? Nope. They can do that with a hug.
Kids want independence. So their first words are often “No!” followed shortly by “Me do it!”
Parents and teachers are terrified of things far less important than children’s independence. Things like messes. Or projects taking much longer than they would if we jumped in and helped. Or the always terrifying “low self-esteem” we’re sure will develop if children make too many mistakes.
