462011824Is active listening in your ministry skill-set? How well do you really listen to children? Listen up to these important words about the value of using your ears, mind, and heart.
Do you know why even the best minds of the past misunderstood children, especially babies? Because they never spent time with them. They weren’t talking to them, asking them questions, and listening to what they had to say.
As is often the case with brilliant thinkers, they’re used to relying on their own ability to dissect, wrestle with, and eventually grasp any subject.
When it came to young children, adults made assumptions about children that were far from the truth. Whether an ancient thinker such as Aristotle or more recent psychologists such as Freud and Skinner, they rarely took time to actually study children!
Listen Up! Practice Active Listening with Children
Unfortunately, the same thing happens in today’s classrooms. Teachers, many quite knowledgeable in their fields, neglect the students themselves. And this is not only in high schools or universities.
Elementary and preschool teachers can be guilty too. Often because of the same basic assumption the philosophers made. We think children are simple creatures who need adult help to keep them functioning until they enter the adult world.
It’s easy to see why that view would appear almost obvious. After all, babies cannot speak, coordinate their own movements, or even feed themselves. Even as children grow older and more advanced in their abilities, they are still dependent in so many ways on adults. Caregivers incorrectly interpret this need as being a sign of deficiency in the young child. In fact, quite the opposite is true.
Child psychologists have made crucial discoveries to correct our views. Yet many basic assumptions persist in the classroom.
Adults must let go of some of their preconceived notions. They must engage in observation and active listening. Adults must let children make mistakes and keep trying. Teachers and parents tend to hover around children. Adults try to keep absolute order, ready to swoop down any time a child is in need. Maybe they’re carrying something too heavy or trying to correctly put glitter on glue.
The Impact of Active Listening
If you engage in active listening, you will consistently hear one message. “Let me do this on my own!” Children possess a fierce desire for independence. Why else would they struggle so hard to walk, when consistently they fall down, often very painfully? Why else would they make such concentrated efforts to learn language? Simply to tell you they love you? Nope. They can do that with a hug.
Kids want independence. That’s why their first words are often “No!” followed shortly by “Me do it!”
Parents and teachers are terrified of things far less important than children’s independence. Things like messes. Or projects taking much longer than they would if we jumped in and helped. Or the always terrifying “low self-esteem” we’re sure will develop if children make too many mistakes.
We do more to hurt their precious self-esteem when we constantly hover, praising their every success and trying too hard to minimize mistakes. Children need to make mistakes. It helps them learn to persevere and teaches them that it is more important that they continue to take on challenges than it is to get it right on the first try.
This means less hovering at home and in classrooms. It may be hard for you, but it’s what your child needs. Don’t assume your view of children is the right one and neglect to ask the children themselves.
Kids might just surprise you. Child psychologists are regularly surprised at what their studies reveal to them about children. What these researchers and scientists do right is they simply ask questions and observe. The children provide the answers.
Listen Like Jesus
Ask yourself, how was Jesus with the children? He modeled it for us perfectly. Jesus loved having the children come to Him. He cared for and valued them.
He called a little child and had him stand among them. And He said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” (Matthew 18:2-5)
In so doing, Jesus listened to the children. So let us also use active listening today. Teachers and parents may be surprised to hear all that kids have to say.
