Even after marrying Rebecca, a church music minister, Crews couldn’t shake the porn addiction. For 20 years of marriage, it was his “dirty little secret”—and a way to numb his pain. “It’s something that will take you out of your problems for the moment,” he says. But porn prevented him from experiencing true intimacy with his wife and almost led to divorce.
Despite a successful career, Crews says he felt like his “life was over.” Yet he realized, “The world did not care… Hollywood doesn’t care if you lose your family… This is how it works in Hollywood. Everybody gets their first divorce, it was no big deal.” When he fell into that mindset, thinking his family was “not even worth fighting for,” Crews says he woke up and sought help.
He credits Pastor Jim Reeve and Marguerite Reeve at Faith Community Church in West Covina, California, for their spiritual mentorship. “The best advice I ever received,” he says, was when Pastor Jim said, “Terry, I cannot promise you that you are going to get your wife and family back, but you need to get better for you.” That was a new concept for Crews, who had always lived in an external, reward-punishment framework.
Focusing on himself helped Crews realize he’d been living a “double life” and was “a mess.” Through counseling, he and Rebecca took a “long journey” that included honesty with their five kids and the public. In 2016, Crews used Facebook Live to share the news about his previous addiction to porn.
Disclosure Served As a Breakthrough for Terry Crews
Being introspective and breaking down his tough-guy exterior was key to Terry Crews’ recovery. “The real thing about being tough was tearing that thing down and letting people see you as you truly are,” he says. “It’s so relieving being one person now,” when “the double life falls away.”
The title of Crews’ new memoir is “Tough,” a quality he now defines not as physical strength but as the ability “to really introspectively look at yourself, warts and all…and be brutally honest. It’s a little like self-surgery.”
To heal, the actor also had to “separate from” certain people. “I knew I was walking into an entirely new life, and the old couldn’t come with me,” he says. “The whole phrase about the wine skins, old wine, new wine skins, it just doesn’t work. You got to let that stuff go.”
Crews also credits the ongoing process of disclosure for strengthening his marriage. “My wife went through that with me every step of the way and loved me anyway,” he says. “That’s true intimacy.” The couple recently released an audiobook titled “Stronger Together.”
Terry Crews Offers Advice to Leaders
When asked about his tips for leaders, Crews advises them to seek professional help for relationship issues, especially when they involve difficult disclosures. “A married couple needs a ref,” he says, because two people can exist in the “same context” yet have “two different perspectives.”
