In their paper about the love languages, they said Chapman’s book has connected with people because it uses “intuitive metaphors, which may resonate with people and convey an easily digestible message free of scientific jargon.”
Impett also said the focus on finding a primary love language can overshadow the reason why so many people find Chapman’s book helpful. The book, she said in an email, “gets people to identify any currently unmet needs (areas of improvement) in their relationship and opens up lines of communication to address those needs.”
Chapman, who has been married 62 years, said that’s the point. He said love begins with emotion but is sustained by having the right attitude and by acting in ways that put your spouse or romantic partner first.
That right attitude, he said, can be summed up this way: “I want to do anything and everything I can do to help you become the person that you want to be. I want to do everything that would be good for you.”
Meleah Smith of Chattanooga, Tennessee, who coaches “brands and bands” on marketing, said the idea of five love languages never really connected with her. She knows the book has worked for other people, but for her, it’s too simplistic, said the 40-something, who described herself as “single as a Pringle.”
Meleah Smith. (Courtesy photo)
Smith said she has plenty of love in her life, with friends, her church and her family — she helps manage her brother’s band — but no romantic relationship. She said the love languages can be too easy at times — tempting people to avoid the hard work of getting to know someone and paying attention to them.
“If I have to give you a list of things you have to do for me — maybe we are not a good match,” she said.
After 17 years of marriage, Frugé had some advice for those using the five love languages. Remember that people need all kinds of love, not just one kind. Pay attention to them — rather than running to a book for all the answers.
Sometimes the answers you need are right in front of you.
“Thriving relationships occur when you have a partner who understands and knows you, sees what your need is and meets you in that moment.”
This article originally appeared here.
