My two lawyer brothers have taught me that a “contract” is simply a document built on distrust between two parties where each person is primarily concerned only with their own best interests.
God created marriage to be much more than a contract; it’s a covenant. In a covenant, the focus isn’t on your own best interests but on the best interests of another. It’s selfless, it’s timeless, and there’s NO exit strategy.
That’s the only way a marriage can really work, but our modern world has lost sight of this.
5. We build marriage on our FEELINGS instead of our COMMITMENT.
There’s nothing wrong with feelings. They’re an important part of life, but they were never intended to be our compass or our foundation, because feelings are fickle.
Marriage is far too important to be based on feelings. Instead, we need to build marriage upon our commitments—even on those days when we’re not feeling it.
Our modern world worships feelings and is quick to quit on a marriage the moment the feelings change. But the strongest couples have learned that marriage requires choosing to love each other even on those days when you struggle to like each other.
6. We view marriage as a 50-50 partnership.
Marriage certainly is a partnership, but in our modern world, we’ve divided everything into “his” and “hers” in a dangerous way.
When we look at marriage as “50-50” we’ll always be keeping score and measuring our spouse’s efforts against our own (and almost always scoring ourselves higher). We’ll be tempted to give less effort so we’re never doing more than our share.
This eventually creates a climate where neither person wants to do anything and entitlement ultimately replaces love.
Instead of seeing the relationship as 50-50, see it as 100-100. Give the best of yourself 100 percent of the time.
7. We think the happiness of our KIDS should be a bigger priority than the health of our marriage.
Obviously, our kids need to be a huge priority and we would do anything for our children. But our modern world has mistakenly viewed children’s happiness as a greater priority than marital health.
Social media amplifies this pressure—every parent feels like they need to create a “magical childhood” filled with Pinterest-perfect moments and viral-worthy experiences.
But here’s the truth: It’s not our job to raise “happy kids;” it’s our job to raise responsible adults.
When all the focus is on the children’s temporary happiness, we end up harming the kids and harming the marriage at the same time. We also end up with an “empty nest” and an empty marriage.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the security that comes from living in a home where their mom and dad are in a loving, committed marriage with each other.
8. We have “outsourced” SEX and romance.
One of the biggest marriage-killers in our modern world is that husbands and wives have stopped pursuing each other and have turned their sexual and romantic attention to outside sources.
This includes:
- Pornography (still a massive epidemic)
- OnlyFans and other “content” subscriptions
- Following Instagram models and influencers instead of focusing on your spouse
- Parasocial relationships with people online who provide emotional connection without commitment
- Seeking validation from followers instead of your spouse
- Emotional affairs via DMs and text messages
- Comparing your spouse to highlight reels on social media
Social media has created an environment where unrealistic comparison is constant and temptation is just a click away.
I talk more about this in my post on why porn is destructive and also in our online video course on sex and intimacy in marriage.
Modern marriage could instantly improve if we committed to not only being physically monogamous, but striving to be mentally monogamous as well.
9. We think divorce is a better option than working together to overcome struggles.
There’s a huge modern myth that divorce will solve all the problems you’re facing in your marriage, but the reality is, divorce usually creates more problems than it solves.
Social media has romanticized “leaving” and “choosing yourself.” Divorce TikTok, divorce parties, online echo chambers that encourage walking away—they all make ending a marriage look empowering and easy.
But real empowerment comes from fighting for your marriage, not fleeing from it.
Instead of being so quick to jump ship when struggles come, let’s resolve to work through our issues. Let’s create solutions instead of creating excuses. Let’s fight for each other instead of fighting against each other.
The Bottom Line
Modern marriage is struggling not because marriage itself is flawed, but because we’ve lost sight of what marriage is meant to be.
When we prioritize the wedding over the marriage, screens over connection, feelings over commitment, and outside validation over our spouse—we set ourselves up for failure.
But when we return to timeless truths, covenant commitment, and intentional love, marriage becomes what God designed it to be: a lifelong partnership that reflects His love for us.
This article modern marriage originally appeared here.
