As the founders of the Facebook Marriage Page and StrongerMarriages.com, my wife, Ashley, and I have had interactions with thousands of married couples (both online and in person), and I’m ready to make a potentially scandalous claim…MODERN MARRIAGE ISN’T WORKING.
Just to clarify, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with marriage itself. In fact, marriage is more important than ever, as I pointed out in my post on 7 reasons why marriage still matters. The problem is that our modern culture has taken this beautiful gift of marriage, and gone about it in the wrong way. We’re missing the point of marriage, and as a result, families are being built without a solid foundation.
Modern Marriage Challenges
Here are nine key ways our modern world seems to be missing the mark when it comes to marriage. If we could correct our viewpoints and our actions in these nine areas, I’m convinced that the average modern marriage would instantly improve. Nine reasons why modern marriage isn’t working are (in no particular order)…
1. Engaged couples spend huge amounts of time and money to have a great WEDDING, but almost no effort preparing for a great MARRIAGE.
Weddings are big business. The dresses, the TV shows, the catering, the magazines and the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong, I love a great wedding! Weddings are wonderful, but they are NOT the point of marriage. I’ve seen far too many couples have a dream wedding followed quickly by a nightmare marriage. The wedding lasts only one day but the marriage should last a lifetime, so make sure you’re planning for more than a one-time party. Some stellar resources to help you prepare for a strong marriage are available at the SYMBIS assessment for engaged couples. You can also read my post on The Seven Questions to Ask Before You Get Married.
#2 is one I’ve been guilty of more than I’d like to admit...
2. We TEXT each other more than we actually TALK to each other.
I’m a huge fan of technology and I’m as addicted to my iPhone as the next guy, but I also see these little supercomputers as dangerous distractions if we don’t use them with intentional boundaries. There’s no substitute for face-to-face human interaction. Especially in marriage, we need lots of time together with no technology at all. Couples have forgotten how to interact if there’s not a screen glowing nearby. We need to get back to the basics of good conversations and intimate connection. Phones are nice but tech-free conversation is much better.
#3 reveals what should be the most important source of our marriage advice...
3. Our modern marriage advice comes from popular FADS instead of timeless TRUTHS.
I’m a Christian and I believe that the Bible holds the answers for how to have a meaningful life and an awesome marriage too. You might be surprised and encouraged by what the Bible actually says about marriage. You can download our FREE 31-Day Marriage Devotional by clicking here and your whole perspective of the Bible (and marriage) might change. When our marriage advice doesn’t come from timeless sources, and instead we’re basing everything off of advice from Hollywood, pop culture, magazines and water cooler conversations, our marriages won’t have the solid foundation they need to survive the storms of life.
#4 reveals one of the biggest misunderstanding about the nature of marriage in our modern world…
4. We view marriage as a CONTRACT but not as a COVENANT.
When you get married, the state views your union as nothing more than a contract.