I have had interactions with thousands of married couples (both online and in person), and I’m ready to make a potentially scandalous claim…MODERN MARRIAGE ISN’T WORKING.
Let me clarify—there’s nothing wrong with marriage itself. In fact, marriage is more important than ever, as I pointed out in my post on 7 reasons why marriage still matters. The problem is that our modern culture has taken this beautiful gift of marriage, and gone about it in the wrong way. We’re missing the point of marriage, and as a result, families are being built without a solid foundation.
9 Ways Modern Marriage Is Failing
Here are nine key ways our modern world seems to be missing the mark when it comes to marriage. If we could correct our viewpoints and our actions in these nine areas, I’m convinced that the average modern marriage would instantly improve. Nine reasons why modern marriage isn’t working are (in no particular order)…
1. Engaged couples spend huge amounts of time and money to have a great WEDDING, but almost no effort preparing for a great MARRIAGE.
Weddings are big business. The Pinterest boards, the Instagram-worthy venues, the viral TikTok trends and the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong, I love a great wedding! Weddings are wonderful, but they are NOT the point of marriage.
I’ve seen far too many couples have a dream wedding followed quickly by a nightmare marriage. The wedding lasts only one day but the marriage should last a lifetime, so make sure you’re planning for more than a one-time party.
2. We SCROLL past each other more than we actually CONNECT.
I’m a huge fan of technology, but I also see our phones as dangerous distractions when we don’t use them with intentional boundaries.
There’s no substitute for face-to-face human interaction. Especially in marriage, we need lots of time together with no technology at all. Couples have forgotten how to interact when there’s not a screen glowing nearby.
The problem isn’t just texting—it’s doomscrolling through Instagram while your spouse sits across from you. It’s being physically present but mentally a thousand miles away. It’s choosing TikTok over conversation, checking notifications during dinner, and treating your phone like it’s more important than the person you married.
We need to get back to the basics of good conversations and intimate connection. Phones are convenient, but tech-free connection is essential.
3. Our modern marriage advice comes from popular FADS instead of timeless TRUTHS.
I’m a Christian and I believe that the Bible holds the answers for how to have a meaningful life and an awesome marriage too. You might be surprised and encouraged by what the Bible actually says about marriage.
When our marriage advice doesn’t come from timeless sources—and instead we’re basing everything off TikTok relationship coaches, Instagram influencers, Reddit threads, and viral relationship hot takes—our marriages won’t have the solid foundation they need to survive the storms of life.
4. We view marriage as a CONTRACT but not as a COVENANT.
When you get married, the state views your union as nothing more than a contract.
