As a pastor, I see the hurt and heartbreak that happens when a child makes rebellious and destructive decisions. Thankfully, there’s a story in the Bible that offers insight into these difficult moments.
The parable often called “the story of the prodigal son” is really a picture of how God shows his holiness, goodness, and kindness to his children. Both sons in this story were rebellious in their own ways, and the parenting insights we can learn might surprise you.
The story, found in Luke 15:11-32, unfolds in three stages.
Stage 1: Rebellion.
“Jesus said, ‘There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, “Father, give me my share of the estate.” So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.’”
Every parent-child relationship involves a struggle—a power struggle for control.
At birth, you’re 100 percent in control as a parent. But as your child grows, power transfers. Your control is not permanent. Kids want control sooner than we want to give it. They think they deserve it sooner than we’re ready to hand it over. Kids have a sin nature. If you don’t believe that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” you’ve never been a parent.
What to Do When They’re Independent
When a child is legally independent and you can’t control them anymore:
- Let them go
- Let them make their own mistakes
- Let them experience the consequences of their choices
There is a price tag for rebellion. Galatians 6:7 says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”
How Should You Feel?
When your child rebels, you might feel guilty or embarrassed. We tend to practice self-condemnation, but remember: you are not the only influence in your child’s life. Your child has:
- Choices they make
- Friends they choose
- Teachers you don’t control
- Books, movies, and media they consume
- All kinds of influences beyond your reach
Stage 2: Regret.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and I will say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.'”
You might be praying for that sentence in your child’s life: “When he came to his senses…”
When is my kid going to wake up? When will they see they’re ruining their life?
Notice the change in attitude. The son goes through a process of re-evaluation, regret, and repentance.
What to Do While You Wait
During this stage, while waiting for your child to repent:
- Pray for your child, non-stop
- Commit your child to God’s hands
- Wait patiently
