The church can be hurtful. I used to think it shouldn’t be that way. But I’ve since changed my mind.
Let me explain.
You see, in order for the church to be doing what God has designed us to do—make disciples—we must constantly be reaching out to and inviting in broken people. And those broken people act out in hurtful ways. Certainly, church members should know better. And those in leadership must. But guests? Outsiders? We should expect them to act like exactly who they are. Until Jesus moves in, our hearts (and our actions) are messy and hurtful. Church hurt is here to stay (at least on this side of eternity) so long as we are making disciples.
Since we can’t escape church hurt, then we need to learn to deal with it.
As a pastor, your likelihood of experiencing church hurt is even greater than others in the congregation. You lead. You make decisions. Regardless of how right those decisions are, some people will still be disappointed or frustrated. We can’t please everyone. Nor should we. And when we let them down, there are times when they lash out at their pastor, at you. Hence, the wounds you’ve received over the years (or the ones you are about to endure. Sorry).
Don’t let church hurt deter you from ministry.
Read that again.
We don’t serve as pastors because it feels good (although at times it does). There’s only one legitimate reason to do it. Do you know what it is?
Ask yourself a few important questions.
- Would you be a pastor if you were never paid to do it?
- Would you minister to and serve people, even if no one ever called you “pastor” or another similar title?
- Would you still be a pastor if someone else was the designated top leader and you were not?
If you answer yes to these questions, you just might be doing this whole ministry thing for the right reasons (more on this below).
If your answer is no, then take note of 1 Peter 5:2-3. Comparing the church to a flock of sheep, it reads, “Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.”
You didn’t become a pastor because of the paycheck. It didn’t bring you here. It shouldn’t lead you away. When finances are tough, this isn’t the reason to leave your pastoral role. If you need to supplement your income, you’re in good company (so did Paul). But it’s no reason to quit, even when the paycheck hurts (Acts 18:1-3).
Nor did you become a pastor for the title. We often have one. But at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what people call you. After all, Jesus was called the Prince of Demons, a Samaritan devil, a glutton, a drunkard, and insane (Matthew 10:25, Mark 3:22; John 8:48; Luke 7:34; Matthew 11:19; John 10:20). As we’re following him, I don’t think we need to worry much about what people call us, especially when it hurts, dummy.
If a position of power is what drew you to ministry, it certainly won’t keep you in it for the long haul. It’s the opposite of what Jesus instructed. When his disciples argued with each other about who would have the greatest position and authority, he revealed that they would have suffering instead (Matthew 20:25-28, Mark 10:42-45, Luke 14:7-11). Not a position of power. Suffering. Ouch. His brother James later echoed, “We who teach will be judged more strictly” (Luke 22:24-27). If power is what you’re looking for, look somewhere other than pastoral ministry (James 3:1).
Since it wasn’t the paycheck, the title, or the power that put you in ministry, and since being a pastor means experiencing church hurt, why are you participating in ministry? Why would anyone do this?
There’s only one good answer: God asked you to do it. And you said yes. The end.
That’s it. Nothing else really matters if that’s true. If God asked you to be a pastor, and you said yes, then all the other pros and cons fade away.
This is what the church describes as a call to ministry. God asked you to do it. That’s a call.
Unfortunately, we sometimes get this part wrong. Way wrong.
