As I was leaving a back-to-school event recently, I spotted a mom snapping some pictures of her kids holding their new backpacks and school supplies.
The kids had huge smiles on their faces. It filled my heart to see them so happy, but the moment was bittersweet. The children at the event all had an incarcerated parent. Smiles can be a little harder to come by for these mothers and children.
This moment wasn’t really about the backpacks at all. The backpacks showed them that someone cared. I could see their mom felt that, too. That’s why we partner with churches to hold Angel Tree events like this one, for kids all over the country who need this support the most.
Many kids who have a parent impacted by incarceration come from a history of multiple, often significant, adverse childhood experiences—called ACEs for short. Research on resilience suggests that ACEs don’t inevitably lead to childhood trauma.
But preventing this adversity from becoming trauma with lifelong consequences requires consistent, loving, intentional support from individuals and communities. We can make the difference for these vulnerable children. And because we can, we must.
We can counteract even bitter, lasting hardship with hope.
Child welfare insiders call experiences of hope, care, trust, stability, and community “positive childhood experiences,” or PCEs. Recent research shows that rates of depression decline as exposure to PCEs increases. What’s more, children with higher numbers of adverse experiences respond most favorably to positive ones.
Far too often, children and families with an incarcerated parent or loved one lose their community. They feel alone and isolated. They have no one to connect with because of the shame associated with their lived experience. They often suffer in silence when they need connection the most.
It is essential that vulnerable kids know that someone cares, that someone—or a group of people, such as a church—will be there as a stable presence in their lives. And that sense of stability and community becomes particularly important for these kids during the back-to-school season when their schedules and environments shift.
As the body of Christ, we can welcome these relationships and say, “I see you.” We can say, “You can trust me,” and mean it. We can invite the hurting in. We can meet their needs.
But we can do more than just reactively meet needs. We can go out into our communities and find those in need wherever they are, to meet them and embrace them.