If you have ever attended a variety of churches, you have probably witnessed the fact that churches can have the same type of characters in all of them. You know who they are.. the guy that falls asleep during every sermon.. the person who makes church business meetings feel like a battle royale.. and of course.. the lady who has a Bible verse for literally everything. John Crist, a popular Christian humorist, imagines in this recent video what this lady would be like on a shopping trip. Welcome to these funny sound bites:
Dillard’s is having a sale… man directs his steps but the Lord directs his path.
Excuse me! This is fashion now? Well, lean not on your own understanding.
Spencer’s Gifts.. nope! Guard your heart.
Finish Line? Oh yes.. run the race that is set before you.
30% off.. well God works all things together for good.
Oh look at these shoes.. run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint.
Uh no thank you.. I don’t need any skin care samples because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
There’s Starbucks.. oh yes.. there are streams in the desert.
Look at these watches… for such a time as this.
Look at all this baggage.. no thank you because I have laid all my burdens at the cross.
Oh I just love this bedding.. all who are weary He will give you rest.
These are beautiful knives.. as iron sharpens iron.
Apple Computers? I don’t think so.. that comes right from original sin.. only Microsoft products for me.
Ahh Lulemon.. but He will not tempt with more than you can handle.
Zales! Absolutely not.. my treasure is in heaven.
Payless is having a sale… lead me not into temptation.
Auntie Anne’s Pretzels.. judge all you want to whoever wants to cast the first stone
Oh I love this hat.. anyone who is in Christ is a brand new creation.
I will dwell in the Nestle Toll House of the Lord all of the days of my life.