Safety and Connection
The presence of a supportive other provides a sense of safety and connection, which is vital for the nervous system to move out of a defensive state. When people feel safe and connected, their bodies produce oxytocin, a hormone that counters the stress response and promotes a state of calm and comfort. This physiological shift allows individuals to face painful experiences without triggering a fight, flight, or freeze response.
Modeling and Scaffolding
A wise other can model healthy emotional processing and provide scaffolding, guiding the individual through the process of making sense of their experiences. This can include helping the individual to name their emotions, explore their thoughts and beliefs about the pain, and consider new perspectives or coping strategies.
Processing With a Wise Other
Facilitating Meaning Making
A wise other helps the individual to construct a coherent narrative of the painful experience. This narrative work involves making meaning of what happened, why it happened, and how it affects the individual’s understanding of themselves and their world. Through this process, the individual can integrate the experience into their autobiographical memory in a way that is coherent and not fragmented by trauma.
Avoiding Disconnection or Overwhelm
By processing the pain in the context of a supportive relationship, individuals can stay connected to their experiences without becoming overwhelmed. The wise other offers a buffer against the intensity of the emotions involved, allowing the brain to process the experience without going into survival mode. This connection prevents disassociation or denial, which can occur when pain is too intense to face alone.
Brain Processing and Time Stamping
Engaging in meaning-making and emotional processing with the support of a wise other helps the brain to “time stamp” the painful experience, acknowledging it as an event that happened in the past rather than something that is continuously threatening. This integration into autobiographical memory is crucial for healing, as it allows the individual to remember the experience without reliving the intense emotional response associated with it.
Regulation and Meaning Making in Preventing Trauma
By providing emotional regulation and facilitating meaning-making, dyadic interactions can transform potentially traumatic experiences into integrated parts of an individual’s life story. This process ensures that pain, while acknowledged and remembered, does not perpetually trigger a trauma response.
Instead, the individual learns, grows, and finds a sense of coherence and continuity in their life narrative. Such experiences can even lead to post-traumatic growth, where individuals emerge from painful experiences with increased resilience, a deeper understanding of themselves and their values, and a greater capacity for empathy towards others.
Final Thoughts
Supporting friends through an emotionally painful situation is a testament to the strength and depth of your friendship. By providing a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and encouraging healthy ways to process and metabolize their pain, you’re helping your friends lay the groundwork for resilience, growth, and maturity. Remember, your support can be a powerful beacon of hope and healing during one of the most challenging times in your friends’ lives.
Help for the Journey
In the journey of supporting a friend through emotional turmoil, remember that while your companionship is invaluable, sometimes professional guidance can provide the specialized care and understanding necessary for deeper healing.
If you or your friend could benefit from further support in navigating these challenges, consider reaching out for help from Christian counseling at MyCounselor.Online.
Our compassionate, faith-based approach offers a safe space for exploration and growth, helping individuals find peace and resilience amidst life’s storms. Don’t hesitate to take this step towards healing and wholeness for you or your loved one.
REFERENCES
This article originally appeared here.
