A mature, growing, gracious wife, who does not find physical pleasure in sexual relations, can find lots of pleasures in the event because of the way God set it up to be. There are ways that a mature wife can delight in that sexual moment.
To Steve: Don’t assume the worst about her. Assume that even without sexual desires she has other good desires to please you, and that is a kind of love that you can receive and enjoy.
Yes, you wish she were more passionate, more there, more engaged. Yes, you do. That is normal. That is good. What husband (or wife) wouldn’t want that? But don’t let your disappointment turn into growing anger or disgust (you used that word). Don’t let your disappointment and the shortfall turn into a disgust that draws you farther apart.
Do your best to turn the sexual encounter into something she will enjoy at some level. That may mean it is what you say to her that makes all the difference. She looks forward to those moments, just because of your words, if not the event itself.
Listen to the 11-minute Ask Pastor John episode here: