3. Meet.
We tend to believe that problems caused by technology can be solved by more technology. However, character is stronger, better and longer-lasting than even the best technology. The family meeting is where you discuss and emphasize the importance and the growth of character.
I suggest having an occasional family-wide meeting to discuss the system, and regular one-on-one meetings with your children to ask them specific questions and ask for specific feedback.
Step 1: The Family Meeting.
The actual content of the family meeting will depend to some degree on your children’s ages. Here are ideas for talking points:
- Concern. Because of your concern for their well-being, you have taken actions to protect them as they use the Internet. Explain that you do not view your children as criminals or porn addicts, but that you do wish to protect them from online dangers. Depending on the age of your children, this may be a good time to explain that there are so many people who struggle with pornography that they may need to expect that some day they will face the temptation as well.
- Privacy. Your children—and especially young children—should have no expectation of privacy when they use their devices. They should know that you will have liberty to check their devices without their permission and that their online actions will generate reports that you intend to monitor. You are doing this in order to love and protect them.
- Passwords. Everyone needs to know the importance of passwords and that you expect them to protect theirs. They may not share their passwords with their siblings or their friends.
- Readiness. You need to speak to your children about Internet safety outside the home. Talk to them about what to do if they are accessing devices in other people’s homes. Explain to them what they should do if someone shows them pornographic or otherwise inappropriate material.
- Mom and Dad. If you have decided to hold yourself to the same standards—to use filtering and accountability software (something I recommend!)—this is a good time to explain that to the children.
Step 2: One-on-One Meetings.
Parents and their children will benefit tremendously from having regular discussions about online dangers and concerns. The conversations will vary a great deal depending on the child’s age and maturity level. Here are some questions you may consider asking:
- Are you able to access everything you need to access online?
- Are you feeling tempted to look for things online that you know you shouldn’t look for?
- Do you know if your friends are looking at pornography and talking about it?
- Have you looked at pornography since the last time we met?
I trust you’ve prepared yourself for some pushback and some frustration, especially at the beginning. Your children will probably find they cannot access certain sites or they need to input passwords where before they did not. Your spouse may find that she cannot access certain sites she wants to. Persevere with your porn-free family plan, and address each issue as it arises.
