Anxiety in Children (cont.)
Anxiety can be a good thing. For example, if we run into a bear in the woods, we want our brains to detect “Bear! Danger!” in a fraction of a second. Then it either stops us in our tracks so the bear doesn’t notice us (freeze), helps us run away as fast as we’ve ever run in our lives (flight), or gives us extra energy and strength to battle the bear and win (fight).
But sometimes that survival system gets triggered by things that aren’t best responded to by fighting, fleeing, or freezing. Say, when we’re trying to take a math test, feeling left out at recess, or worried about a sick family member.
An anxious brain may see the risk in those types of situations and set off the “danger” alarm bells. Suddenly we have lots of extra energy coursing through our bodies, our thoughts are racing (but not really taking us anywhere useful), and we feel afraid and overwhelmed.
Anxiety is less about the specific situation and more about the fear of the specific situation.
And when we’re in that activated state of fight-flight-freeze, our brains aren’t able to process logically. Literally, the part of our brain that does logic, planning, and big-picture thinking is shut down. And this is especially true in kid brains.
Try to tell an anxious kid who’s in fight-flight-freeze that they’re not thinking logically and they need to just consider the facts. Well, you won’t get very far. Children can’t do that in that moment. They can’t access that part of their brain, and they just feel more frustrated, scared, and alone in their anxiety when we respond that way.
Work through anxiety.
Milner suggests these simple steps for parents and caregivers who are working through anxious moments with children.
- Acknowledge the feeling. “I can tell you feel scared. I’m here.”
- Share your calm. Our brains and bodies tend to mirror those around us. This is especially true for kids. So let the kids see you take a few deep breaths. As you breathe, silently thank Jesus for holding you and your child in this tough moment.
- Anxiety turns off the “logic brain.” So playfully help kids turn it back on.
- Find colors. “Can you help me find something blue in this room?”
- Count to calm. “Let’s count backward from 100 by 7s.”
- Breathe together. “Pretend my finger is a birthday candle and blow it out. Whew!”
- Get moving. “Let’s dance!” (Cue your favorite song.)
- Focus on truth. “God is with us and Jesus loves us, this I know.” “We’re God’s kids, and God will help us get through this together!”
Mental health professionals use some great children’s books (here’s a list from Amazon), resources, and therapy strategies with kids today. Consider connecting with a counselor in your church or community for more help and information.
Our Father cares.
Milner’s faith and identity as God’s daughter and friend has helped to shape her gracious response to anxiety. She notes:
God’s story in the Bible is full of reminders that God knows our anxious tendencies and responds proactively and reassuringly. Take the angel’s message to Mary in Luke 1, for example: “Don’t be afraid!” And the angel’s proclamation to shepherds in Luke 2: “This is good news that will bring you joy!”
I’ve often read “don’t be afraid” in a voice of condemnation, like “stop it, you’re doing it wrong.” But I don’t believe that’s what God is really trying to communicate to his people. I think it just indicates that he knows us and cares about our emotions, even as he brings us into these watershed moments in his plan.
God loves you and your child deeply. God created your ability to feel emotions, and he feels them too. Emotions aren’t bad; they’re a reflection of the Father’s character. God is not a prisoner of his emotions, and he doesn’t want you or your child to be either. God wants to equip us to navigate our big feelings. And he has grace for us if we’re messy (and we often are) in that process.
This article was originally published on ChildrensMinistry.com, © Group Publishing, Inc.
