3. Provide needs. Bless with wants.
It is important that parents consider their system of meeting needs versus wants. Of course, that begins with a proper understanding ourselves of needs versus wants.
Consider this question: Which gets more attention in your home?
Does having the latest technology take a bigger role than teaching children to be good citizens and to generously love others?
Does being the best on the traveling soccer or dance team have a higher priority than finding ways to serve others?
Either answer is your choice—you’re the parent, but if a goal is raising future generous adults, you may have to consider some of the places you spend your energies and resources. When it comes to encouraging generosity, consideration should be given to use of time and money.
Our boys never did without basics needs. And by needs here I’m even referring to housing, clothing, food, etc. They had plenty. But there were probably things they wanted that they didn’t have. In how they spent their time, we let them choose what they enjoyed doing, but we also limited the number of outside activities our boys could participate in at one time.
And we looked for opportunities where we could give back to others. We prioritized our time. And we prioritized our “stuff.” We didn’t try to keep up with everyone else in terms of the “toys” they had. Having to wait until a birthday or Christmas for something they really wanted wasn’t unusual to them.
4. Help children make wise choices with their own money.
One of the primary reasons children should have access to their own money is so they can learn the value of it. Our children were always more careful spending “their” money than they were spending ours.
Talk with them about how they should spend their allowance, birthday or even money they have earned on their own. Help them learn the terms budget—and savings—and investment. And tithe is still not a bad word either. Ultimately, they should give some to God, save some, and spend some for things they need or want (based on the system you have for meeting these in your home.)
We also freely discussed our own finances in front of our boys. We allowed them to know things like when things were tight financially and when we were giving to others.
5. Consider the “big picture” of your child’s life.
As a parent, we are a primary molder of our children. The choices they make in life—what they desire most—will largely be impacted by us early in their life. Their desires in life will be greatly shaped by the life they live in our home. (That’s a scary thought—isn’t it?)
I heard a statistic once that children these days get 90 percent of everything they want in life. That doesn’t seem like the statistic for most of our adult want lists, does it? I can’t verify the statistic, but it sounds about right for most children I know—probably even for our own. The problem this creates is that somewhere children are going to face a stark reality in adulthood—when we seldom have all that we “want.”
We have all heard stories of children of privilege who got everything they wanted in life, but who cannot seem to stay out of trouble as adults. They have no real sense of direction, no set of values to guide them because they got everything they wanted in life, but nothing that they really needed!
We kept these principles in mind as we parented. We were raising them to be adults. That one thought changed our paradigm many times.
6. Spend more time, energy, and attention meeting needs than wants.
At Christmas time, birthdays and other special occasions, we ask children what they “want.” There is nothing wrong with that.
Most of the time we already know what they need. We don’t have to ask them if they need to be honest people. We don’t have to ask them if they need to have character, love others or be generous. We do not need to ask them if they need a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We know they need those things.
We need to ask ourselves if we are spending as much time and energy helping them get what they need as we are trying to buy them what they want. Let’s be honest, providing for a want is more fun sometimes. But we must be willing to sacrifice even what makes us feel good as parents in order to do what is best for our children long-term. We need to give them what they need.
It’s much more fun to give them wants, but it is far more valuable to give them needs.
