John Piper: Remove the Member Who Knowingly Marries a Non-Believer

Expounding on the last layer of sin, Piper explained, “If faithful leaders in the church have lovingly explained God’s will based on God’s word to the believer, and have told the believer not to move forward with this illicit marriage out of obedience to Christ, then the marriage is not only rebellion against the explicit biblical command and not only a revelation of an idolatrous heart that puts a human above Christ in the affections, but also a spurning of the authority of the elders, which God gave to protect the sheep from sin.”

Remove the Believer From Membership in the Church

After the elders of the church plead, pray, and teach the church member who has chosen to marry a non-believer, and the member still rejects the biblical guidance, Piper recommends “you remove the believer from membership in the church, for moving ahead with the marriage.” The removal is to “sober” the disobedient believer and draw them to repentance so they can be restored.

“Many professing Christians today would regard such excommunication as more hurtful than helpful,” because most people don’t take the Bible seriously, Piper argued. Some might call such advice hateful and intolerant, but “that’s because they elevate their own wisdom above God’s wisdom.” Piper said that some might even reason to allow the conscious disobedience because “maybe they will win the unbeliever to Christ through the marriage.”

Citing 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15 and 2 Corinthians 5:4-5, the theologian pointed out that Paul teaches that using the means of “holy ostracism, people will, in fact, be saved and restored.” He says that he has seen the effectiveness of church discipline throughout his years in ministry and gave a warning to church leaders saying, “Church leaders have to be prepared to be vilified by people who think they know better than the apostles how to love people.”

However, if the believer comes to repentance, they should not divorce the unbelieving spouse, Piper believes. He concluded the ten minute podcast explaining what the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:12. Repentance and restoration includes a “heart change, not a marriage change,” and he gave three steps what that looks like. 1) There should be an authentic remorse and regret for disobedience to 1 Corinthians 7:39. 2) There should be an acknowledgment and repentance that the heart was not right in putting man above Christ in the affections. 3) There should be an apology and sorrow for spurning the counsel of God’s leaders in the church.

Piper’s advice to the believer in the marriage is to tell the unbelieving spouse, “My reawakened love for Jesus, and my treasuring Christ above you as my Lord and Savior, and my desire to be a part of Christ’s people again, and my regret over my sin in marrying an unbeliever, does not mean I have stopped loving you or that I want to leave you. We have a covenant till death do us part; I intend to keep it. In fact, my restored faith means that I now know how to love you better. I would like to show it. I hope you will have me.”