“I looked all over for the evidence and I didn’t see it, so I kept going forward as if it were true…is that not what faith is?” Solomon said he was at peace with his doubt.
His now-deleted viral poem, ‘Shadow of a Doubt,‘ resonated with many people who also had doubts but felt too ashamed to voice them, which left them feeling alone. Solomon said that gave him the confidence to continue speaking about his doubt regarding God.
Solomon said his doubts began to grow the more he was honest with others about what he was feeling. Depression, too, became super heavy.
“When you become isolated during pandemic and quarantined to your own emotions, things can get dark.”
It wasn’t the lack of community during the pandemic quarantine that led to his full departure from Christianity, Solomon made clear. He reassured his listeners he had plenty of community.
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Saying he understood how his loyal followers were disappointed and concerned, Solomon said he wanted to make it very clear the situation wasn’t easy for him. “That s–t was rough man. That faith did not die quickly,” he said.
Popular Christianity Is Dangerous
Solomon said that during his transition from a popular-viral-video-creative-teaching Christian to a Christian who’s deconstructing his faith, the ramifications of that journey were at the forefront of his mind. The YouTuber said he thought about things like how the journey would unfold for him; what would happen if he documented his deconstruction and the outcome was not good. He wondered whether his popularity would go away if the outcome resulted in him walking away from the faith. “I didn’t want that tied to my own livelihood,” he said. “I’d rather Uber than to be some popular poet…some popular singer who feels trapped and not able to truly wrestle through his inquiries.”
Solomon said he backed away from the spotlight and started living out his Christianity in the background. The influencer shared an insightful revelation about how he appreciated Christians who weren’t Christians tied to a social or monetary incentive for their Christianity.
The Pandemic Allowed Solomon to be Honest
With all his tours cancelled due to the pandemic last year, Solomon said the down time allowed him to be honest with himself because he didn’t have to perform for anyone. Therapy helped him be okay with “not calling his doubts…doubts,” to stop seeing them in a negative way, and to become at peace with letting them go.
“I was reconstructing myself after many years of Christian subculture That deconstructed me.”
Solomon said Jesus’ words in Matthew 28:11-30 didn’t add up for him. Jesus said, “my burden is light” yet it was heavy for him. “Eventually, I finally became okay with just letting it go.”
Listen to the Joseph Solomon’s podcast “Flights & Feelings: The Shores Somewhere Over Here” below:
