“But to the extent we use the word ‘lead’ at all, why should it not be that men are to serve by leading? And doing so the way a ruler, or a head, or a lord might do? There is a chasm between serve by leading and lead by serving,” said Wilson.
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Wilson suggested the use of “servant lordship” is more fitting, as wives “are to obey their husbands.”
“However, we live in a generation that hates the idea that a husband has genuine authority in the home,” he said, specifically calling out “both the feminists who know they are feminists and all the evangelical feminists who call their feminism something like complementarianism.”
Exploring a hypothetical situation where he believes servant leadership causes marital problems, Wilson described a couple who agrees “that their marriage is bumpier than it ought to be.”
“She is frustrated with him because she does not feel like her needs are being met, and the more he tries to meet her needs, the more frustrated she gets,” said Wilson. “He occasionally gets exasperated—even he gets exasperated—blows up, and then comes crawling back, hoping to be better next time.”
To solve the problem, Wilson suggested that the husband “repent to God for his attempts to be a servant leader” and that the wife “repent to God for expecting that from him.”
“Both of them confess this to God as a sin, and they confess it to one another,” Wilson said.
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Additionally, Wilson suggested that the couple read his 1995 book, “Reforming Marriage: Gospel Living for Couples,” and discuss it.
