When is it OK for a member or attender of your church to leave? First, let’s state the obvious. It’s never just “OK.” When someone leaves by choice to go to another church in your community, it’s a dagger through the heart. If someone says differently, they’re lying. Few things are taken more personally by church leaders, and the community left behind, than someone leaving church. It feels like rejection, abandonment, even betrayal.
But that doesn’t mean that sometimes leaving church can’t be a good thing.
- When someone chooses leaving church because they have been confronted with harmful, abusive patterns of sin in their life that were harming the community, and they refused to repent … that’s a good departure.
- When someone disagrees with the church’s historic mission, doctrine or values, and openly tries to make their case at every juncture to new believers or members … that’s a good departure.
- When someone vocally refuses to trust, follow or support leadership that truly deserves to be trusted, followed and supported … that’s a good departure.
Now, having said this, I am not saying that leaders should have a cavalier attitude toward such departures. I consider each one a personal sense of failure or loss that we weren’t able to “reach” them and bring them into the community in a more healthy and holistic way. Separating from a church, and the tough confrontation that might have been called for on the front end, is always saddening.
And I am not saying there aren’t times when people should leave church—and have God on their side! There are churches that lead people astray, teach falsehood, allow patterns of abuse and more. If that’s your setting, don’t leave … flee!
But that still leaves a lot of departures ill-defined and ripe for emotional discouragement.
On both sides.
And that’s where I want to offer encouragement.