Understanding this strange mixture is crucial for breaking the pattern of over-working in ministry. If you equate more hours with more faithfulness, you enter a bottomless pit from which there is no extraction.
Once I realized what the struggle inside was all about, it was easier to change my patterns.
God doesn’t love me anymore or less based on the hours I work or the effort I put in.
Jesus’ love for me and for you, after all, is not based on anything we’ve done. (That’s the Gospel.) And his love for you doesn’t go up when your work hours go up.
Once you sort out the perfect storm of ministry (where work, faith and relationships collide), there’s still no guarantee you’ll end the affair. There are other factors at work too, like the next one in this list.
2. It’s Easier to Win at Work Than It Is to Win at Home
So why do ministry leaders keep overworking?
Let’s be honest, for many leaders, it’s just easier to win at work than it is to win at home. And hence, it’s often more rewarding to stay at work than it is to head home.
Think about it.
At work, people get paid to show up.
At home, people aren’t.
In your job—especially if you’re the boss—people generally do what you tell them.
In your home…well…um, not always.
And winning makes you feel successful as a leader. If things are going well at work and there are a few issues at home, staying at work even feels more attractive.
Let me show you why it happens. I remember a season when our kids were young during which Toni and I had different views about bedtime. I wanted the kids in bed right on time. She’s just more relational than I am and would sometimes extend bedtime a bit.
My office at the time was in the basement of our home since we were a portable church. I remember coming up to tuck the kids in bed one night, only to realize they weren’t in bed when I had hoped they would be.
Instead of doing the right thing—going upstairs and loving my wife and tucking my kids in, I went back down the stairs and worked for another hour because it honestly just felt easier. Complete loser move. But I did it.
You never get those nights with your kids back. And I could have been a much more supportive husband in that season.
You know what I’ve learned since then? If you’re winning at work but losing at home, you’re losing.
