But, I will tell you that after having observed 30 years of pastoral ministry, you can do everything right as a Christian parent and your child could still walk away from the faith. You can also do everything wrong in terms of discipline, parenting strategy and the structuring of a healthy home environment, and your child could wind up sticking with their faith for a lifetime.
There are many components to the cultivation of your son or daughter’s relationship with the Lord that are, quite honestly, hard to control—things like peer influence, mentors in the church, and opportunities for discipleship that also have a hand in shaping their journey.
Since we are coming up on holiday season, many parents will soon find their college-age students once again descending upon the home for Christmas break. Often, it’s hard to know how to respond to the changes—some of them negative—that are seen happening in a prodigal child’s lifestyle choices.
As parents, regardless of these challenges, we should want to emulate Jesus’ love and kindness and model the ways he actively sought out people whose opinions differed from his own.
I think the important question here is this: How can I love my prodigal child this Christmas season and all year round?
First, ask good questions and lend a listening ear.
When we’re dealing with our children, many of us are used to being the teachers or sources of information in the relationship. But if these are so called ‘prodigal’ children, they’re probably older and maybe even already adults. Instead of telling them how wrong, bad or mistaken they are for rejecting the faith they grew up with and disengaging from the church, try asking them some questions about the decisions they’re making.
Try to maintain a posture of listening and really attempt to understand where they are coming from. As James instructs us about the Bible, it is still good to apply in your relationships—“Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19). At the end of the day, this model James offers us is helpful even as we learn to engage well with not just our own children, but anyone who disagrees with us.
Second, know the facts.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in some of the false or, at the very least, completely overblown stats out there about students who leave the faith in college. But make sure you’re informed about the truth.
Know that in many cases, according to the same LifeWay Research study, most students aren’t leaving church because they disagree with its doctrines or have a deep desire to rebel. While your child’s story may be different, a high percentage of students who leave church have simply lost track or struggle to see its importance or relevance in their lives today.
Know also that based on this study, many students (almost two-thirds) of those who leave the church during this period of their lives actually end up returning. According to a book called Families and Faith about the passing down of religious faith across generations, evangelicals actually have a good retention rate, and it is even stronger when both parents are married and attend church with consistency. So, in short, don’t believe the doomsday stats. Believe the story of the prodigal son.
Entrust your child’s journey to Jesus through the story of the prodigal son.
The point of the story of the prodigal son isn’t just that we are all called to exercise prodigal father level love in everyday life; it’s that Jesus is the one who came down to earth and chased after us.
When we fall astray, he welcomes us back with open arms. He consistently models for us what it means to chase after the one, be it the one lost coin, the one lost lamb or the one lost child.
Trust that God is sovereign over your child’s journey. Trust in his timing and the faithfulness of his covenantal love. And, most importantly, lean on Jesus for grace and strength to love him or her during this Christmas season.
This article originally appeared here.
