2. As a New Pastor’s Wife, Your Opinions Matter, So Choose Wisely When to Share Them.
I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, especially when it comes to event planning. I knew better than to critique my husband’s sermon each week. (Sidenote: This is a horrible idea, friends, if you haven’t figured that one out already.) But, I didn’t know that I shouldn’t let him know every other thing that I saw that was “wrong” about the morning. The donuts weren’t really arranged well. Did you see what they were doing in the kids area? Why wasn’t the greeter on time? Did you see how many typos were in the worship guide?
Yes. I let him know. I mean, if I didn’t tell him, who would? Right?
Only problem is, it didn’t help. At all. In fact, it caused undue strain on our marriage. I had skills, gifts and talents I wanted to bring to our newly forming congregation. But, turns out the best thing I could do for our church was encourage my husband, rather than criticize every aspect of our Sunday morning service.
3. As a New Pastor’s Wife, Encouraging the Pastor Is the Toughest Job You’ll Ever Have.
I have a bumper sticker on my bulletin board from our military days that reads, “Marine wife: Toughest Job in the Corps.” I’d like to change that to “Pastor’s wife: Toughest Job in the Ministry”
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Truly, we pastors’ wives belong to a sorority of women who will understand what no common churchgoing lady ever will: the depths of struggle involved in pastoring a church. We know the heartbreak he feels every time someone leaves the church. We know the lows he faces on those Sundays he decides he’s better off working at McDonald’s. And, we understand the burden he deals with carrying others’ secrets because we carry his secrets.
I’ve experienced seasons where I didn’t want to encourage my husband anymore. But, I’ve also gone through seasons where I gently uttered the right words because, though I knew he wouldn’t receive them in the moment, they needed to be said. Do whatever you can to stay encouraged yourself because helping him stay encouraged may be your biggest challenge.
4. As a New Pastor’s Wife, Give Yourself Grace.
Finally, I wish someone had told me that a pastor’s wife could be human. We can pick our own friends—versus feeling obliged to befriend every woman in the church. We can wear clothes that match our style and personality, and sit where we’re most comfortable during church. Those not gifted for children’s ministry can say “no” to weekly nursery duty. Likewise, those skilled with the littlest ones can run the nursery.
Above all else, when it comes to how to prepare to be a pastor’s wife, it’s most important to give yourself grace and not expect perfection from your appearance, your children or (most of all) your husband. Ministry life will not be without its challenges. Perfection—and lack of struggle—are unrealistic expectations. Give yourself and your family lots of grace as you endure how to prepare to be a pastor’s wife.
