What does the Bible say about sexual dreams —and not about your spouse— but you can’t seem to do anything to stop them? One man wrote in to John Piper on the Ask Pastor John podcast expressing the shame and guilt he feels about the sexual dreams he has been having:
“Why do I have lucid sexual dreams with people other than my wife, even people I have never met before? These dreams bother me intensely even after I wake up because I can’t help but feel that I have sinned, and even worse, I feel as if I had no control over it as with most of my dreams. I have a pretty unhealthy sleep pattern partly because I would rather not dream at all.”
The man said he has had recent success with his temptation to look at pornography, a victory that has been possible through the help of his wife, pastor, prayer, the Bible, and internet accountability. But despite all that, he continues to have vivid sexual dreams. “I am quite troubled by it,” he said, “and any help would be appreciated.”
What does the Bible say about sexual dreams?
Piper began by noting that his ability to authoritatively answer this question is limited and that he did not know why this man or anyone else has sex dreams. Piper also pointed out that while the source of the dreams might be spiritual, it also might be physiological or psychological. He thought, however, that it was good for the man to be concerned about his dreams, although not to the point of succumbing to shame or despair about them: “I think it’s good to be bothered by it like he is and like others are, but not good to be undone by it.”
What does the Bible say about sexual dreams? Piper offered several scriptures and practical steps in the hope that this man and those like him would be helped and encouraged.
The first scripture passage Piper mentioned was Zechariah 10:2, which says, “The idols speak deceitfully, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain. Therefore the people wander like sheep oppressed for lack of a shepherd.” In this situation, he said, people were having dreams that were showing them lies. We can conclude, then, that some dreams people have are false.
Piper advised the man not to take his sex dreams to mean that he is or wants to be unfaithful to his wife, but instead to speak the following truth: “That was a false dream. It does not mean I am unfaithful. I mean to be faithful to my wife…Those dreams are a lie.”
Secondly, Piper pointed to Deuteronomy 13:1-3 to show that God uses dreams to test our faithfulness to him. What’s interesting is that the dreams described in this passage are accompanied by miraculous signs that are supposed to encourage people to go after false gods. “Wow,” said Piper. “God uses false prophets and lying dreams, even accompanied by supernatural signs and wonders, to test his people.” So the man should not take on a misguided responsibility for his dreams. Instead, he can see them as a test from God, a test that God will enable him to pass.
The third text, Isaiah 29:7-8, describes an experience many of us are familiar with, that is, dreaming about something we desire in real life. The passage describes hungry and thirsty people who are dreaming about eating and drinking. The same can happen, said Piper, with our desire for sex. So while this point does not account for the man dreaming about people other than his wife, it does illustrate that it’s a common experience to dream about real-life cravings. The most important thing when it comes to sexual desire is, “What will you do with it in the waking life?”