Community is messy business! Having differences in a small group, acknowledging disappointments and hurt feelings, running up against frustrations and challenges is all part of moving to deeper maturity in community and Christ-likeness. If you experience small group pitfalls, take heart! Conflict can be the very thing that helps your group to break-through to new levels of honesty and freedom in Christ.
When you trace Christ’s interactions with the Pharisees, His reaction at the Temple with the money-changers, and some exchanges with the disciples – it becomes clear that Jesus did not avoid conflict. The New Testament does not gloss over the reality of conflict in community. However, God’s Word makes a difference between constructive conflict and small group pitfalls like senseless quarreling.
There is a mixture of personalities and gifts that will surface in your small group. Sometimes the dynamic that is created will function as a conduit of God’s healing love and peace. Other times, people will feel friction as fellow believers challenge them to turn from complacency and sin and move toward complete commitment to Jesus Christ. Either of these scenarios are desirable, and we ought to pray for them to occur. However, there will be times when conflict and confusion arise because of egoism, ignorance, insensitivity, or quarreling over petty issues, etc.
Let’s take a look at some of the more common small group pitfalls and how to avoid them so that your small group can be a safe place where grace reigns and authentic biblical community can grow.
7 Small Group Pitfalls (and how to avoid them)
1. Don’t Tolerate Bickering Over Trivial Issues
Don’t allow abstract theological arguments to ensue over technical points of doctrine or trivial matters. This doesn’t help to build a healthy small group dynamic and it’s a turn-off to those just getting started in their relationship with God. You can ask those who tend to enjoy this to debate outside of your regular group time. Intellectualism is a good thing and can enrich your small group. However, unless it is coupled with “why” and “how” application questions, it is not beneficial in a mixed group dynamic. Promote safety and err toward discussion over debate. Maintain the highest level of awareness toward those with the lowest level of biblical literacy.
2. Beware the “Introversion and Argumentation Correlation”
Petty conflict frequently signals that your small group has turned in on itself. For example, if your group is more concerned with the signs and times of the end of the world more than bringing in the harvest before Jesus returns, there’s a good chance your group has gotten off track. At times you will need to dredge the bottom of your small group’s stream so it can flow again by turning the focus of people away from themselves onto the wandering, lost sheep that should be gut-wrenching for believers. The best way to do this is to engage in outreach together.
