No, your tomato plant is going to need regular, daily watering if it’s going to bear fruit. Without it, the flowers will die, the leaves will wither, and before long there will only be scorched earth.
So it is with your relationship and quality time; there’s no substitute.
Minimum Quality Time for a Healthy Relationship
As a rule of thumb, I recommend the following quality time schedule for all couples as a minimum for keeping their relationships healthy:
15-20 MIN A DAY
At some point in the day, every day, make some time to give your spouse your undivided attention and meaningful conversation. This could be morning coffee together, pillow talk before bed, or any number of other forms. It’s best to have a bit of a ritual, though, to make it a habit. Having it be a habit will increase the likelihood of it happening consistently. Try to keep it up even when apart by FaceTime or phone call.
1-HOUR SYNC MEETING A WEEK
This is the business meeting for your family, where you and your spouse get on page about schedules and upcoming decisions so that you don’t have to use your date time for this.
2-4+ HOURS A WEEK
Date night is what most couples call this, though it could be breakfast, lunch, dinner, or late night dancing. When our kids were young, going to the grocery store without children felt like a date! The important thing is that it’s a time of relaxed “hanging out” without kids. Have fun together and enjoy some adult conversation without interruptions every two seconds.
AN OVERNIGHT ONCE A QUARTER (24HOURS+)
An overnight or weekend getaway where you spend a full day or two with your honey enjoying life as lovers and friends is so very important to staying in love. Whether it’s a romantic getaway to somewhere tropical or a staycation at a local hotel, having a relaxed time to enjoy each other’s presence without children is key.
We Don’t Have Time To Do That!
Activity – Time – Frequency – Yearly Total Hours
- Conversation – 15min. – Daily – 92hrs
- Sync – 1 hr – Week – 52
- Date – 2 hr – Week – 104
- Get-Away – 1 Day – Quarterly – 96
Total 344 Hours
There are 8,760 hours in a year. At 344 hours, it takes less than 4% of your time to give the most important relationship in your life the priority it needs to be healthy.
REFERENCES
- Gaines Jr, S. O., Work, C., Johnson, H., Youn, M. S. P., & Lai, K. (2000). Impact of attachment style and self-monitoring on individuals’ responses to accommodative dilemmas across relationship types. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(6), 767-789. [1]
- Johnson, S. (1986). Bonds or bargains: Relationship paradigms and their significance for marital therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 12(3), 259-267. [2]
- Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2004). An attachment theory perspective on closeness and intimacy. Handbook of closeness and intimacy, 163-187. [3]
- 10 Ways to Make Your Marriage a Priority [6]
This article originally appeared here.
