Do your schedule and actions show that your spouse and your marriage are your top priorities? In this article, some of the secrets to a happy marriage are outlined to help you learn how to prioritize your marriage.
Love Is a Verb
Happily ever after isn’t easy to make happen, no matter what Hollywood says. It takes work building a lasting relationship. But most anything worthwhile does. You may have “fallen” in love when dating; however, when the new wears off, you’re going to have to work to make love happen.
Do your actions, schedule, and budget show your spouse is No. 1 in your life after God? Nothing else is more influential on your quality of life and the health of your kids than the relationship between you and your spouse.
Marriage Priority Test
Answer True or False for the following statements: Almost always…
- I spend more time engaging my spouse than I do watching TV or on my phone.
- I interrupt whatever I am doing if my spouse wants my attention.
- I recognize in a significant way my spouse’s birthday, our anniversary, and other special days.
- My spouse and I go on vacations alone together at least once per year.
- I have at least one personal and meaningful discussion with my spouse per week for at least 25 minutes.
- When my spouse phones, I make time to talk.
- I speak to my spouse about non-logistical matters at least twice per day.
- When my spouse walks into the house, I interrupt whatever I am doing to greet my spouse.
- If I’m with my spouse and someone else phones, I don’t take the call.
- When something significant happens in my life, I share it with my spouse first.
- When we go to social functions, I spend at least half the time talking with my spouse.
- When I walk into the house, the first thing I do is greet my spouse.
- I spend more time interacting with my spouse than any one else in my life.
- When I need someone to talk to, I talk to my spouse.
- My spouse and I go out alone together at least once per week.
- I have photographs of my spouse in my office, wallet, or phone.
- I do unnecessary thoughtful things for my spouse regularly.
* Adapted from Mort Fertel’s “Put Love First Marriage Assessment”
Love Isn’t Selfish With Time
Putting your spouse and marriage first requires time and focus. There is no substitute. Soul mates aren’t perfect for each other; they love each other with all their imperfections. Take an interest in the things that interest your spouse. You don’t have to be interested in the same things; you just have to be interested in your spouse.
Be the one they look forward to hanging out with. Find a hobby that you can both enjoy and engage in together. Trade “Me” time for “We” time. That doesn’t mean you can’t ever have activities in your life that don’t include your spouse, but these should be limited and far less than together activities.
Be a Good Parent–Put Your Spouse First
Having quality time with your kids is important. Even more important is having quality time with your spouse. Kids need the security and relational learning that comes from a mom and dad who are passionately in love with each other.
You can’t give to them what you don’t have. If you don’t give them the gift of knowing what a healthy marital relationship looks like, how will they know how to have that for themselves as an adult? They’re not going to get it in high school or college, that’s for sure.
There Is No Substitute for Quality Time
Your relationship is like a tomato plant. All the conditions for growing plump, delicious tomatoes can be perfect: great sun, fence to keep the animals out, soil with just the right mix of nutrients, spray to keep the bugs away—but if you don’t water it, it won’t grow.
You can’t dump 100 gallons on your tomato plant once a year and expect it to not need water the rest of the time (think vacation). The ground can only soak up so much at a time and the rest rolls off. There’s also no such thing as “super wet water” that only requires minimal application because it’s so super quality (we don’t spend very much time together, but we make sure it’s “quality” when we do).
