pastor who deals with bouts of depression. My name is David. And I’m a
I don’t write as one who is specialized in the medical or psychological field, but as one who fights a personal battle while refusing to let others stand alone in theirs. My depression is considerably lower than others, and happens, perhaps, less frequently than yours. I will not compare my pain to yours but would implore you from the beginning of this post:
You are not alone.
You have hope.
You can get help.
Out of all of my blogs, my blog on depression from Aug. 11, 2014, is, by far, the most read and shared article I’ve ever written. It tells me that there are thousands out there that have experienced this “darkness” and/or know someone who does. And lately, I’ve felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to write another blog on the “funk” that shows up periodically in my life.
My two goals in writing this: First, to help bring a bit of clarity to those who absolutely do not understand those of us who deal with this. If I can remove some ignorance to create compassion, then I see this as a “win.” Second, to give a clear message of hope. I want to confront the feelings of hopelessness that you have with the truth of who Christ is. And the rule I live by: Truth always trumps feelings. My emotions and feelings will rise and fall, but truth remains solid. And the truth I remind myself is this:
Regardless of my emotions, I must purpose to fix my eyes on God (Psalm 42:5).
Jesus is my light in the midst of my darkness (2 Samuel 22:29).
Often, when reading Scripture, I come across scenarios that make me leap up and say, “That’s exactly how I feel.” And when I think about how to describe to people what I deal with, I think about a man named Bartimaeus.
And they came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. Mark 10:46
Two strong words jump out at me: “blind beggar.” Why? Because feeling “blind” and “begging for help” is what I personally experience physically, mentally, and emotionally. My senses are numbed and cannot detect any direction to take.
I get this “feeling” of being immobilized and unable to move forward. Things that should make sense don’t. I feel stationary while the rest of the world is passing by.
And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. – Mark 10:47