In the wake of trauma—whether from war, natural disasters, sudden loss, or accidents—navigating the path to recovery requires more than time; it demands a compassionate and understanding support system. Friends and loved ones stand on the front lines of this support, often seeking effective ways to aid in the healing process.
This article delves into the profound importance of creating a safe environment, facilitating emotional regulation, and aiding in the construction of a non-shame-based narrative for trauma survivors.
Drawing on insights tailored for first responders yet applicable to anyone in a supportive role, we explore practical advice, specific phrases, and the intentional use of presence, eye contact, tone of voice, and physical touch.
My goal is to empower friends helping friends through the toughest of times, providing them with the tools needed to foster healing, resilience, and understanding in the aftermath of traumatic events.
Cultivating a Sense of Safety
The foundation of trauma recovery is the establishment of safety. A person who has experienced trauma needs to feel physically and emotionally secure before beginning the process of healing. As a friend, you can contribute to this sense of safety by:
- Providing a Stable Environment: Ensure that your friend has a quiet, comfortable space where they can rest and recuperate. Avoid overwhelming them with stimuli.
- Being Predictable: Maintain consistency in your actions and behaviors. Surprises can be destabilizing for someone trying to regain their footing.
- Listening Without Judgment: Offer an open ear, and accept their feelings and experiences without trying to correct or debate them.
Facilitating Dyadic Regulation
Trauma can dysregulate a person’s ability to manage their emotions. Dyadic regulation—co-regulating emotions with another—can be immensely beneficial. To help your friend regulate emotionally, you can:
- Stay Present: Simply being there can be comforting. Your calm presence can help stabilize their emotions.
- Mirror Calmness: Model calm and controlled behavior. Your friend will likely cue off your emotional state.
- Engage in Joint Activities: Simple activities like walking, breathing exercises, or gentle yoga can help synchronize your emotional states and promote calm.
Encouraging Meaning Making Without Shame
Making sense of traumatic experiences is crucial for integrating them into one’s autobiographical memory. This process involves forming a narrative that includes the trauma without letting it define the individual. To support your friends in making meaning of their experiences:
- Promote Expression in Comfortable Formats: Some may find solace in talking, while others might prefer writing, art, or music as outlets for their feelings and thoughts.
- Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge the legitimacy of their emotions and experiences. Validation can combat feelings of isolation and shame.
- Encourage a Balanced Perspective: Help them recognize their strengths and resilience without dismissing the pain they’re going through. This can foster a sense of empowerment and facilitate a more nuanced understanding of their experience.
Assisting with Grief and the Time-stamping of Memories
Processing grief is a vital step in trauma recovery, allowing painful or scary experiences to be integrated into one’s life story.
- Respect Their Grieving Process: Grief has no set timeline or right way to be experienced. Be patient and offer support without pushing them to move on before they’re ready.
- Help Them Memorialize What Was Lost: Whether through rituals, writing, or creating art, find ways to honor what or who was lost. Doing so can be a powerful step in acknowledging the pain and beginning to move forward.
- Assist in Differentiating Past from Present: Remind them, gently, that while the trauma is a part of their history, it does not dictate their future. Helping them ground in the present can aid in time-stamping the trauma, allowing them to see it as an event that happened, not an ongoing reality.
Supporting friends through trauma is a profound act of love and compassion. By offering a felt sense of safety, aiding in emotional regulation, and supporting them in making meaning of their experiences, you can help them navigate the choppy waters of recovery. Remember, your role is not to fix but to accompany them on their journey, offering support and understanding along the way.
What To Say and Do
It’s helpful to offer specific phrases and approaches that can be tailored to the age and understanding of the people you’re supporting. The way we communicate safety, regulation, and meaning-making can significantly impact their healing process.
Communicating With Adults
Cultivating a Sense of Safety
- What To Say: “You’re safe here with me. Take all the time you need. I’m here for you, no matter what.”
- Example: After a friend has experienced a car accident, ensure they have a quiet, comfortable space. Offer them a warm drink and sit with them, affirming their safety and your presence.
