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A Christmas Skit for Any Size Church

Christmas Skit for Small Churches

The One-Page Christmas Epic

There are two speaking roles in this play and two non-speaking roles that happen very quickly at the end. The speaking roles are a movie producer (MP) and a screenwriter (SW).

The speaking roles are written according to the genders of the original actors, but can be played by either gender.

SCENE 1

A movie producer is pacing in his office, talking frantically on a cell phone.

Movie Producer: That’s right, send me a screenwriter! I have an idea for the greatest movie epic of all time! What? … She’s on her way? Then why isn’t she—

A woman comes in, carrying a laptop computer.

MP: Never mind. Here she is. (He ends his phone call, then looks at the phone and says sarcastically) Lots of help you were.

Screenwriter: Hello, sir. (Reaching out her hand to shake) It’s an honor. I’m—

MP: (Cutting the woman off) Sit down and take notes. (He motions to a chair on the other side of the desk from his chair.) I’m on no sleep, 10 cups of coffee, two cans of Redbull and a bag of Twizzlers for lunch, and I’ve come up with the greatest movie idea of all time. All time!

SW: OK …

The woman sits down and opens her laptop on the desk. Throughout the conversation, she will rotate back and forth between typing and talking.

MP: There’s a man and a woman—and a baby—a special baby.

SW: A special baby? You mean, like a seed-of-the-devil baby?

MP: No, the opposite.

SW: OK …

MP: He’s special, but in a good way. No, a great way!

SW: OK, that could be an interesting twist to work with. A family movie, maybe with a love story between the baby’s parents.

MP: Oh yeah … the baby’s parents. (Suddenly) Ooh! The baby’s parents-to-be have to travel to the father’s hometown, but when they get there, there’s some kind of crisis and all the hotels are closed, so they end up in a warehouse, a shipping container …

SW: Nice! Like an art-house, bohemian kind of feel. Set design will love that.

MP: Then there’s a crisis … let’s see …

SW: I know! She goes into labor at the worst possible time.

MP: Yeah. I love it! They can’t find a doctor, so they need some kind of makeshift crib, yada yada yada. … Oh! Then some blue collar guys in town come by to help.

SW: Blue collar …

MP: Working stiffs. You know, welders, dock workers … I got it! Farmers!

SW: Farmers? Coming to a warehouse in the middle of a city?

MP: Yeah.

SW: Uh … why?

MP: (In a grandiose manner) Because only the common man knows that this baby is special!

SW: OK … I think I get where you’re going now. Something the regular working person can relate to. And the farmers come to help out, somehow?

MP: Help out, hang out, I don’t know. Something like that. You’re the writer. You figure it out. (Excitedly) Oh, I’ve got it! The birth scene ends with a long, pullout camera shot of the father, mother, baby and the visitors in the warehouse, for an iconic final shot.

SW: Nice. That could work. So what does the baby do that’s so special?

MP: Nothing.

SW: Nothing?

MP: Nothing … (with a big smile) yet.

SW: Oooh, I see a sequel coming!

MP: Can you do it?

SW: Sure, it’s sparse, but I can make something of it. It’s a great premise. A feel-good story. It sets up a sequel. I can make it into a full-length movie or book—maybe both.

MP: Actually, let’s add a little more to punch it up.

SW: OK. But I don’t need anything else. I’ve started with a lot less.

MP: I want the birth itself to be special.

SW: Like an Alien/Fringe thing where the kid comes exploding out of—

MP: No (thinking …) not the birth … the conception.

SW: Uh huh … You want the conception to be special? Like Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow? That’s an entirely different movie, sir. That could cause problems with the ratings board.

MP: Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow? What’s wrong with you? (With a nod to the audience) There are kids here.

SW: Kids? Where? We’re in your … office … remember?

MP: There will be children watching this movie. I want this to be PG, PG-13 at the most. So no Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow. The opposite of that.

SW: What kind of special conception is the opposite of … that?

MP: You’re the writer. You figure it out. (Suddenly, so it surprises the screenwriter) Taxes! I hate taxes! (Looking at the screenwriter, who’s just staring at him, shocked) Why aren’t you writing this down?

SW: Uh, well … so, it’s political?

MP: (Suddenly, again) Animals! I love animals!

SW: Animals? You mean, like a dog or a cat? I know … a talking pet who rescues the baby.

MP: A talking animal? Please. Be realistic here.

SW: Yeah right. That would be the crazy part …

MP: No … just … you know … some place where there’d be livestock around. … I know! We need exotic visitors from another land! With fancy gifts!

SW: So it’s a huge costume drama now? You know this budget will be through the roof, right?

MP: A crazy king! And he does something so evil, people will gasp in horror.

SW: Now it’s a horror movie? I don’t know sir …

MP: An escape! To a foreign country! Now that’s a huge epic, right?

SW: “Epic” isn’t the word I’d use, (under her breath) more like schizophrenic.

MP: What was that?

SW: Nothing sir. But you’re talking Hunger Games size here. Three to four books and movies. If I can get all of this to make sense in the same story. I don’t know …

MP: A star!

SW: Yes! Now you’re making sense. If we could get a big star to sign on, we might be able to get this greenlighted … I’m thinking Russell Crowe, Jennifer Lawrence …

MP: No. Not that kind of star. I mean a star in the sky. Like a comet!

SW: Hurtling towards earth to destroy it? Like a disaster movie?