A Christmas Skit for Any Size Church

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Christmas Skit for Small Churches

The One-Page Christmas Epic

There are two speaking roles in this play and two non-speaking roles that happen very quickly at the end. The speaking roles are a movie producer (MP) and a screenwriter (SW).

The speaking roles are written according to the genders of the original actors, but can be played by either gender.

SCENE 1

A movie producer is pacing in his office, talking frantically on a cell phone.

Movie Producer: That’s right, send me a screenwriter! I have an idea for the greatest movie epic of all time! What? … She’s on her way? Then why isn’t she—

A woman comes in, carrying a laptop computer.

MP: Never mind. Here she is. (He ends his phone call, then looks at the phone and says sarcastically) Lots of help you were.

Screenwriter: Hello, sir. (Reaching out her hand to shake) It’s an honor. I’m—

MP: (Cutting the woman off) Sit down and take notes. (He motions to a chair on the other side of the desk from his chair.) I’m on no sleep, 10 cups of coffee, two cans of Redbull and a bag of Twizzlers for lunch, and I’ve come up with the greatest movie idea of all time. All time!

SW: OK …

The woman sits down and opens her laptop on the desk. Throughout the conversation, she will rotate back and forth between typing and talking.

MP: There’s a man and a woman—and a baby—a special baby.

SW: A special baby? You mean, like a seed-of-the-devil baby?

MP: No, the opposite.

SW: OK …

MP: He’s special, but in a good way. No, a great way!

SW: OK, that could be an interesting twist to work with. A family movie, maybe with a love story between the baby’s parents.

MP: Oh yeah … the baby’s parents. (Suddenly) Ooh! The baby’s parents-to-be have to travel to the father’s hometown, but when they get there, there’s some kind of crisis and all the hotels are closed, so they end up in a warehouse, a shipping container …

SW: Nice! Like an art-house, bohemian kind of feel. Set design will love that.

MP: Then there’s a crisis … let’s see …

SW: I know! She goes into labor at the worst possible time.

MP: Yeah. I love it! They can’t find a doctor, so they need some kind of makeshift crib, yada yada yada. … Oh! Then some blue collar guys in town come by to help.

SW: Blue collar …

MP: Working stiffs. You know, welders, dock workers … I got it! Farmers!

SW: Farmers? Coming to a warehouse in the middle of a city?

MP: Yeah.

SW: Uh … why?

MP: (In a grandiose manner) Because only the common man knows that this baby is special!

SW: OK … I think I get where you’re going now. Something the regular working person can relate to. And the farmers come to help out, somehow?

MP: Help out, hang out, I don’t know. Something like that. You’re the writer. You figure it out. (Excitedly) Oh, I’ve got it! The birth scene ends with a long, pullout camera shot of the father, mother, baby and the visitors in the warehouse, for an iconic final shot.

SW: Nice. That could work. So what does the baby do that’s so special?

MP: Nothing.

SW: Nothing?

MP: Nothing … (with a big smile) yet.

SW: Oooh, I see a sequel coming!

MP: Can you do it?

SW: Sure, it’s sparse, but I can make something of it. It’s a great premise. A feel-good story. It sets up a sequel. I can make it into a full-length movie or book—maybe both.

MP: Actually, let’s add a little more to punch it up.

SW: OK. But I don’t need anything else. I’ve started with a lot less.

MP: I want the birth itself to be special.

SW: Like an Alien/Fringe thing where the kid comes exploding out of—

MP: No (thinking …) not the birth … the conception.

SW: Uh huh … You want the conception to be special? Like Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow? That’s an entirely different movie, sir. That could cause problems with the ratings board.

MP: Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow? What’s wrong with you? (With a nod to the audience) There are kids here.

SW: Kids? Where? We’re in your … office … remember?

MP: There will be children watching this movie. I want this to be PG, PG-13 at the most. So no Boom-Chicka-Wow-Wow. The opposite of that.

SW: What kind of special conception is the opposite of … that?

MP: You’re the writer. You figure it out. (Suddenly, so it surprises the screenwriter) Taxes! I hate taxes! (Looking at the screenwriter, who’s just staring at him, shocked) Why aren’t you writing this down?

SW: Uh, well … so, it’s political?

MP: (Suddenly, again) Animals! I love animals!

SW: Animals? You mean, like a dog or a cat? I know … a talking pet who rescues the baby.

MP: A talking animal? Please. Be realistic here.

SW: Yeah right. That would be the crazy part …

MP: No … just … you know … some place where there’d be livestock around. … I know! We need exotic visitors from another land! With fancy gifts!

SW: So it’s a huge costume drama now? You know this budget will be through the roof, right?

MP: A crazy king! And he does something so evil, people will gasp in horror.

SW: Now it’s a horror movie? I don’t know sir …

MP: An escape! To a foreign country! Now that’s a huge epic, right?

SW: “Epic” isn’t the word I’d use, (under her breath) more like schizophrenic.

MP: What was that?

SW: Nothing sir. But you’re talking Hunger Games size here. Three to four books and movies. If I can get all of this to make sense in the same story. I don’t know …

MP: A star!

SW: Yes! Now you’re making sense. If we could get a big star to sign on, we might be able to get this greenlighted … I’m thinking Russell Crowe, Jennifer Lawrence …

MP: No. Not that kind of star. I mean a star in the sky. Like a comet!

SW: Hurtling towards earth to destroy it? Like a disaster movie?

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Karl Vatershttps://www.karlvaters.com/
Karl is the author of four books and has been in pastoral ministry for almost 40 years. He is the teaching pastor of Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, a healthy small church in Orange County, California, where he has ministered for over 27 years with his wife, Shelley. Karl’s heart is to help pastors of small churches find the resources to lead well and to capitalize on the unique advantages that come with pastoring a small church. Karl produces resources for Helping Small Churches Thrive at KarlVaters.com, and has created S.P.A.R.K. Online (Small-Church Pastors Adapt & Recover Kit), which is updated regularly with new resources to help small churches deal with issues related to the COVID-19 crisis and aftermath.

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