More Tips for How To Get Teenagers Talking
4. Don’t be afraid to use tools.
One of the best relational tools is a well-placed question. As a parent who often tries to “break through the ice” with my own teenagers during meals, I use an oldie but goodie: “Everyone share your high and your low of the day. Youngest to oldest.”
We use this probably once a week. Sometimes we modify it to “the high and low of the week.”
In my parenting book I provide a bunch of icebreaker questions. For example:
- “If you could go to any restaurant tonight and order any meal, where would you go and what would you order?”
- “If you could go on vacation anywhere for a week, all expenses paid and bring whoever you want, who would you bring?”
You can learn a lot about your kids with questions like that. Their tastes, their friends… whether they’d bring you!
Youth ministry is the same way. Some of us struggle trying to “break the ice” when we are hanging out with a group of kids or leading a small group. Don’t hesitate to use resources like Doug’s Would You Rather books, or any his other icebreakers. They can provide some really fun ways to get teenagers talking.
Or consult my book Connect. I spend several chapters discussing how to get teenagers talking when you first meet them.
5. Use your eyes and ears before your mouth.
Last but most importantly: Simply notice. Use your eyes to notice what shirt a teenager is wearing. It will tell you a lot. If they’re wearing a vintage Star Wars T-shirt, you can probably get them talking about nerdy topics for hours.
If you hear a teenager talking about social media, cheer, or her new iPhone, chances are you won’t have to say much to get her talking about it. Notice what teenagers are excited about, ask them about it, and then you won’t have to do much talking at all. You might even wish you never got them started!
Remember: Teenagers really want to be heard. Sadly, adults often ignore them. So sometimes kids just need to test the waters and see that we’re actually willing to listen.
The tips above aren’t magical. They might take a little warmup or require some tweaks. Just make an effort! That shows that you care and actually want to listen. The rest will fall into place.
What about you? What insights do you have for how to get teenagers talking? Share in the comments below.
