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How to Tell Your Youth Pastor You’re Pregnant

One of the things in my blog statistics I love looking at are the search terms people used to find my site. Every now and then there are some interesting, funny, sad or shocking ones, and I figured I’d share some of them with you while at the same time try to give answers.

This one appeared in my search terms this week: How to tell your youth leader you’re pregnant. This is one of those search terms that makes me kind of sad, because you can feel there’s a story here. Somewhere on this earth, there’s a pregnant teenage girl scared to death because she has to tell her youth leaders that she’s pregnant. Something that in most churches does not go over well.

I’ve written about handling a teenage pregnancy in your youth group, which is probably why this search term was successful in finding my blog. But let’s try to give some advice to a pregnant teen who is scared to tell her youth leader she’s pregnant.

Dear pregnant girl…

Dear pregnant girl, I can imagine you’re scared about how your youth leader will react. I wish I could assure you he or she will react with compassion and understanding, but I can’t. I know how hard it was for me when one of ‘my girls’ told me she was pregnant. It wasn’t that I was angry or disappointed, I just felt sad because I knew what it would mean for her life and I had wished her so much better. In hindsight, I could have responded better as well, and I promise I will if there’s a next time.

I advise you to make an appointment to talk about this with your youth leader, don’t just ambush him or her after youth group or church. It’s always better to be able to talk about this in a quiet environment where there’s time to respond well.

Also, pray about it before telling your youth leader about your pregnancy. Ask God to give you the right words and the courage to be completely honest. It’s also OK to pray that your youth leader will respond with love and compassion. God can change people, so even if you suspect your youth leader won’t react that way, ask God to change his or her heart.

And if they do respond negatively, if they do show condemnation and judgment, try to forgive them. That’s not easy, I know, especially with everything that’s going on in your life already. But holding on to anger and bitterness won’t do you or your baby any good. Also, don’t believe them. They’re right when they tell you you’ve sinned, but that doesn’t mean they’re any better or that you deserve some kind of punishment.

I hope you know that God loves you no matter what you’ve done. Christ has died for all our sins, including the premarital sex you’ve had. People may sometimes make you feel like sexual sins are pretty much unforgivable, but that’s nonsense. If you confess your sins to God and trust in Jesus’ sacrifice for your sins, then God will forgive you. That’s a guaranteed promise.

And dear, dear pregnant girl, I realize there’s a chance that this pregnancy isn’t your fault at all. You may have been abused or raped or somehow forced into doing something you never wanted. If that’s the case, then honey, my heart goes out to you even more. No matter how difficult it may be, you need to tell someone. If your youth leader doesn’t respond well, go to your school counselor, another adult you trust or even the police. Find the courage to stand up for yourself. God is with you, right beside you, every step of the way…

When you’re a teen and you’re pregnant, you’ll be facing lots of difficult decisions. I hope and pray that your youth leader will stand by you and help you make these, together with your parents if that’s possible. But don’t let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don’t want. Pray and ask God for wisdom and courage to do the right thing. May God bless you, dear pregnant girl…and the precious life you’re carrying.

What would you say to this girl? Dear pregnant girl…