Drunk on Dopamine
The brain chemical dopamine leads to feelings of infatuation. That’s an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something. It becomes dangerous when we confuse it with the love it takes to make a marriage last.
Serial daters are dopamine addicts. They date for about six months and enjoy the euphoric experience a new relationship brings. Then they break up when real life begins and infatuation ends. They do this over and over.
Serial dating generally makes it tough once people decide to marry. That’s because committing to one person means giving up access to the experience they crave. They lived life drunk on dopamine and now made a commitment that keeps them from that high.
When you compare the effects of drunkenness to those of infatuation, you find lots of similarities. Drunkenness causes irrational behavior (Genesis 9:20-22). It suppresses our conscience (Genesis 9:24-25). And it impairs our ability to make good judgment (Proverbs 31:4-5).
The same is true with infatuation and lust. People driven by their passions and lusts are usually irrational. They go against what their conscience says is right and wrong. And they tend to make terrible decisions that can negatively affect the rest of their lives.
God-Centered Satisfaction Makes Us Sober
A God-centered life is the key to a sober-minded lifestyle. Singles must weigh carefully God’s callings and warnings concerning marriage in community with other faithful believers. If God is infinitely more satisfying to us than significant others, spouses, and sex, then we’ll approach marriage with a sober mind, a humble heart, and an anchored soul.
Throughout his letters, Paul mentions being sober-minded. Individuals who are sober-minded practice self-control, seriousness, and sound moral judgment. Paul exhorts young Timothy to “always be sober-minded” (2 Timothy 4:5). When we approach marriage with a sober mind, we embrace the vision of life and marriage that the Scriptures reveal.
The Supremacy of God in Dating
Couples who enter marriage drunk with love don’t glorify God. That’s because they have made their spouse ultimate, instead of God. Their destiny is similar to those who tarry long over wine. Their lives will be full of sorrow, strife, complaining, and hurt unless they repent (Proverbs 23:29–35).
The alcoholic’s problem is simple: They think alcohol is greater than anything in the universe. They drown life’s problems, trials, and disappointments in a bottle. Likewise, singles and married people drunk on love make one another ultimate rather than God.
Ultimately, the alcoholic doesn’t have an alcohol problem. And those drunk in love don’t have a dopamine problem. Both have worship problems. Their view of God is too low. They’ve given the throne in their hearts to someone or something that’s insufficient to satisfy their soul’s desires. That’s why teenage infatuation (and any type of infatuation) is so destructive.
Prioritizing God Over Marriage
Scripture presents a high view of marriage. Spouses are commanded to forsake family and cling to one another (Genesis 2:24). But as high of a view as Scripture has of marriage, its view of God is infinitely higher.
In our good pursuits of marriage, our pursuits and our marriages must remain secondary. Our love for God is always primary. God is supremely more satisfying than marriage could ever be. He made marriage, at least in part, to say just that.
When we display to the world that we love God infinitely more than we love marriage, we glorify God and display his worth to the world. Plus, we set our marriages up for success by rooting them in the Creator of marriage rather than in the idolatry of marriage.
So remind youth (and adults) that marriage is for the sober-minded. Help them guard against the dangers of teenage infatuation. And remind them that the only way to enter marriage with a sober mind is by making God the center of their life.
