Nate was mature enough to know it would be hard, so we decided to make it a father/son adventure to drop him off at school. He had a couple good days of orientation where they wanted one parent there. Nate seemed to be making friends. He had a great group of guys in his dorm. I was excited for him.
Then I made one fatal mistake. Learn from me parents. I spent another night and said we would have breakfast together before I left in the morning. Wow! We sat in a breakfast place for two hours and never said a word. He is a youth pastor now across the country from us, so I don’t think he would mind me telling you the truth now. When it was time for me to leave, he lost it. I had to pull myself away and knew he was miserable as I left.
Had I left when he was busy, involved and surrounded by friends, it might have been easier. I certainly think it would have been.
Let them have their space.
It’s their new journey. This may include letting them decorate their room—as they want to decorate it—or looking for hints when they want to make the decision on their own. Now isn’t the time to baby them. They are entering a very adult, independent phase when they get to college. Treat them with this respect.
Of course, we know they have much maturing to do. They still need your wisdom—and, hopefully, will want it. But you are more likely to get asked for it if you do not force it upon them.
Let them help determine the level of communication.
Obviously you cannot wait to hear from them. But, be careful. This isn’t elementary school—or middle or high school. Remember how with each progression you knew less and had to figure out more on your own? Well, this is college. Don’t keep texting them looking for updates. Don’t guilt them into calling. As hard as it is, the more pressure you use the less they may be motivated to tell you.
This said, I think it is fine to send them encouraging cards and emails. Don’t overdo this either, but they will especially enjoy getting mail—the snail kind. You could even use this time to affirm them and let them know how you are praying for them. This is good advice for grandparents too. And, occasionally include some of their favorite snacks in a care package.
They probably will do better than you think they will.
You need this reminder, don’t you? Because right now you’re concerned for them. Will they know what to do if something bad happens? Will they take care of themselves physically? Will they eat right? Well, I can almost assure you they won’t do everything right. Do any of us? Even still? But, at least in my experience, children often seem to perform better when we aren’t around. Hasn’t it been this way much of their life? You loved how other parents bragged on them for their behavior at their house. Even in these sometimes careless days of college they will not forget what you taught them.
