Start Asking Some Questions
So, with relational equity in mind, the following are some questions that you can use to strike up a conversation about Snapchat. (Note: Don’t pepper your teen with all these questions at once. Rather, start at a good point that is appropriate to your level of knowledge and ask a couple at a time as you are driving to school, sports practice, eating dinner, etc. Whatever you do, don’t knock on your teen’s bedroom door, say “we need to talk” and launch into a one-sided conversation that is really just a lecture. No kid ever likes this approach.) Your goal here is not to launch into a lecture. Your goal is to get your teen opening up about Snapchat. The less talking you can do, the better. If your teen discloses something concerning, take a few moments to process your thoughts, speak to your spouse if you’re able, and come up with a plan of action. But formulating this plan while you’re trying to get your teen to open up at the same time can be really hard. Always remember you can pick up the conversation at another time if you just don’t know what to say at that moment.
Do you use Snapchat?
Follow up (yes answer): What do you like about using it?
Follow up (no answer): Why not?
Would you ever use Snapchat (if you had a phone, etc.)?
Do your friends use Snapchat?
Follow up (yes answer): Do you ever look at their accounts?
Follow up (no answer): Why do people like it so much, do you think?
Have you ever looked at the Discover section?
Follow up (yes answer): What channels do you like to follow? Do they have good articles? Videos? What was the last one about that you read (or saw)?
Follow up (no answer): Oh so you just use it to keep up with your friends? What do they usually post about?
Have you ever seen anything on there that made you uncomfortable?
Follow up (yes answer): What did you do? Why do you think that made you uncomfortable?
Follow up (no answer): What do you think you would do if you did?
Have you ever seen porn? I promise I won’t be mad if you tell me. Nowadays you have to be extremely careful NOT to see it.
Follow up (yes answer): How did it make you feel? Why do you think it did that? How can I help you avoid it?
Follow up (no answer): What do you think you would do if you saw it?
Do you want to talk to me about anything?
If you’ve gotten to that last question and it feels like a natural flow of conversation (not like pulling teeth), this is a good time to talk about your family’s standards regarding content. These may be rules you have articulated until you’re blue in the face, but repetition can’t hurt here. You might even want to articulate those familiar rules as they specifically relate to Snapchat. If your teen is following those rules, don’t pass up the opportunity to praise him or her.
What About Not Allowing Your Teen to Use Snapchat?
Maybe you read those questions above and thought “Nope. No way my kid is going on Snapchat.” That is an option for you and your family. Protect Young Eyes suggests not letting a child under 15 on the app. Especially if you have a younger teen, like Jenny Rapson mentions she does in “SnapChat’s New Feature ‘Cosmo After Dark’ Is Porn—and There Are No Parental Controls“, just forgoing the whole thing might be your best option. The Discover section of Snapchat certainly isn’t the only reason parents should be cautious with this app.
Even if your teen isn’t on Snapchat, chances are high his or her friends are on it. Which means you probably want to have this conversation with your teen even if they don’t plan going to be on it. The fact also remains that with 75 percent of teens using SnapChat, it’s going to be hard for your teen not to feel left out at some point. That is another conversation you must have then, one talking through the reasons why your family is choosing not to participate in SnapChat.
One thing to keep in mind is that if your teen is moving off to college or out of your house in the next couple years or sooner, it’s often a good idea to give him or her some more liberties and freedoms in the wider world. If you think your teen will likely jump on the app the minute he or she is out from under your roof, I recommend considering letting him or her on it while still at home. That way when they make mistakes (and they will make mistakes!) they are still under your roof and your influence and you can help them walk through it. This is how they learn.
Whatever course your family chooses to take, this is the bottom line: You need to be talking to your teenagers about the content that is available to them on a daily basis. One thing I would emphasize is the concept of 1 Corinthians 6:12: “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything.” It’s true that with increasing age and responsibility comes greater freedom, but part of maturing is understanding what is beneficial for you and what is not, and acting accordingly.
