Why is relational ministry so important? Read on to find out!
“Isolated in a world full of connection.”
This is how a student described herself to me last week in our small group. She was sharing how she feels like all of the ways we “show ourselves” to the world just creates an illusion of perfection, and causes drama among her peers. Someone sees a picture on Instagram of girls at the mall and feels hurt she wasn’t a part of it. A mass sea of texts go out accusing the girls (who are still at the mall) that they are “two-faced.”
This got me thinking about just how much relational ministry has changed in the last decade. Honestly, it used to be pretty easy. All we had to do was get students to engage and sit with us face to face in small group setting with no programming or script. There are so many complications to this idea now.
Why Aren’t We Connected?
First, we have our technology. As the young lady above described, we like to share the best version of ourselves.
RELATED: How a Student-Driven Weekend Service Became the Ultimate Youth Group Momentum Builder
Second, our communication has become constant—but it’s in a written form that lacks tone. This has created a world of “digital blurting.” A thought comes to our mind and we share it without thinking if it will cause any negative repercussions. Then, we share the flat apology with no real backbone, also via text. We send snip-its and silliness to each other via Snapchat, creating the illusion that because we heard about something we are connecting.
This has not even begun to tackle parent ministry. We no longer have to make a phone call to get permission from parents. A student says, “Wait, I’ll text home and ask. Two minutes later, they respond, “Yeah, my Mom says yes.” Other than an occasional form signed or an informational meeting, we don’t HAVE to talk to parents anymore. So we don’t. We bypass them and go to the students in the name of the youth being more “responsible”; then we complain that parents aren’t involved.
“Isolated in a world full of connection” is a great definition of the world we are part of today. Yet, I think most youth pastors agree that “relational” ministry is still the model that Jesus left us, and it remains the heartbeat behind the way we want to approach ministry.
How To Approach Relational Ministry in a Complicated World
Technology does not trump real life interactions.
I have noticed in an effort to “connect with students where they are at,” sometimes we actually miss them in this technologically driven world. In a national survey of teenagers ages 13-18, done by the Pew Research Center, titled, “Teens, Technology and Friendships,” there were many interesting tidbits of information. While texting and instant messaging is the top way students communicate with each other, 83% of teens still spend time with their closest friends at school.
Translation?
They are interacting with the friends they feel closest to in person and via technology. Teenagers see technology as way to enhance person relationships, not replace them.
Beware of an over-inflated sense of communication.
Something I have observed in today’s technologically-driven world is that since we have so many ways of staying in touch, we believe we are communicating. I have been a part of youth leader forums discussing the best ways to use Snapchat to get info out to their students. It’s not that this is bad; actually it’s pretty creative. However, we must remember the ONLY way to guarantee we are heard is through direct face-to-face communication.
On more than one occasion I have sent a text or group text to students thinking, “They are always on their phone,” only to hear, “Wait. I was supposed to do what?”
“Did you get the text?” I ask.
“Ummm, let me see” is the answer. Being attached to the ability to hear information is not the same as actually listening to it.
