2. Be empathetic.
It’s important to acknowledge the feelings that come up when talking about divorce. Do your best to show empathy to others and to children as you talk.
For example: When kids ask what happened in a friend’s family, you might say, “I don’t know everything that happened either. But I do know this was probably a very hard decision for them to make.”
Or when talking with kids whose parents are divorcing, you might say, “It’s normal to feel a jumble of emotions in conversations like these. What feelings are you noticing inside of you?”
3. Be reassuring.
The most important things to emphasize to kids when talking about divorce is:
- This is not their fault (or the fault of any kids involved).
- They are loved no matter what.
Those tend to be the big questions that get stirred up for kids when they process divorce. So it’s good to anticipate these questions and remind kids of these truths even before they voice them.
For example: Reassure kids that their parents will never, ever stop loving them, no matter what. Identify other people who love them no matter what, like you and their children’s ministry leaders. Remind kids that Jesus loves them the biggest of all!
How to Support Parents Amid Divorce
Thinking of how children’s pastors can support parents going through divorce, Milner suggests:
(When parents) are navigating a divorce within their own marriage, it can feel overwhelming to carry their own emotions, as well as those of their children. Encourage parents to give themselves grace. Remind them that showing up, trying, and repairing when things go amiss are much more important than saying or doing the perfect thing.
Encourage parents to look for ways to increase support for their children so they aren’t carrying this all alone. Be ready to offer a few names of local therapists, if meeting with a therapist would benefit the child. Remind parents that giving their kids appropriate support from other adults is a gift to the whole family during this time. No one needs to do this alone!
Your friends at Group and childrensministry.com are here to help and support children’s pastors as you help and support children and their families. That’s what family ministry is all about!
Mandy Milner is a licensed professional counselor who lives and works in State College, Pennsylvania. She is a contributor for Team Family, Group’s new family ministry resource, available Summer 2024.
This article about divorce originally appeared here.
