Two Different Visions of Flourishing
Ultimately, this debate reveals two genuinely different visions of what human flourishing looks like:
Complementarian vision:
- Order and structure lead to peace
- Clear roles prevent conflict
- Men and women are designed for different functions
- Embracing these differences honors God’s creation design
- Submission is actually freedom because it aligns with how God made you
Egalitarian vision:
- Mutuality and partnership lead to peace
- Flexible roles based on gifts prevent resentment
- Men and women are designed for the same calling: image-bearing and co-ruling
- Embracing full equality honors God’s redemptive work in Christ
- Freedom is actually freedom—being able to steward your gifts without gender limitations
Questions Worth Asking
Rather than simply accepting or rejecting Howerton’s message wholesale, here are questions worth wrestling with:
About authority:
- If husbands have final authority, what accountability exists when they use it badly?
- Does the “loving leader” model work as well in practice as in theory?
- What happens to women in complementarian marriages when their husbands are absent, incapacitated, or immature?
About sexuality:
- Does emphasizing wives’ sexual duty lead to better marriages or more coercion?
- Why do evangelical women report the lowest sexual satisfaction if this teaching is correct?
- What does truly mutual sexual ethics look like?
About interpretation:
- Why do passages about wives submitting get emphasized while passages about mutual submission get minimized?
- If we interpret slavery passages as culturally conditioned, why not gender hierarchy passages?
- How do we distinguish between biblical commands that are universal vs. those that addressed specific situations?
About outcomes:
- Does complementarianism protect women or make them more vulnerable?
- Do egalitarian marriages fall apart more or thrive more?
- What do the statistics on abuse, satisfaction, and stability actually show?
The Stakes Are High
This isn’t just an academic debate. The framework Christian couples use shapes their daily lives—who makes decisions, who sacrifices careers, how conflict is resolved, how sex happens, who has voice and agency.
For some women, complementarian teaching has provided a beautiful framework for a thriving marriage.
For others, it has been a source of profound harm—used to justify abuse, silence objections, dismiss their gifts, and treat them as support staff for their husband’s life rather than co-heirs of grace.
And for millions of Christians, the question remains: Does the God who created both male and female in His image, who poured out His Spirit on sons and daughters, who declared in Christ there is neither male nor female—does that God really design one gender to lead and the other to follow?
Or does the gospel do something more radical—transforming marriage from a hierarchy into a partnership, where two people submit to one another out of reverence for Christ?
