Where Howerton’s Teaching Gets Especially Controversial
Even among complementarians, some of Howerton’s specific applications raised eyebrows:
The “Be Aggressive” Sexual Teaching
Howerton told wives that to avoid destroying their husband’s confidence, they need to be the sexual initiators and aggressors. He used a middle school cheer: “Be aggressive, B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.”
The concern: This language can be weaponized. Women in abusive marriages have reported husbands using sermons like this to pressure or coerce sex, saying “the Bible says you need to be aggressive and meet my needs.”
Christian therapist Sheila Wray Gregoire, who has researched evangelical sexual ethics extensively, argues teachings like this contribute to harmful dynamics: “When we tell women their primary marital duty is meeting their husband’s sexual needs, we create a framework where women’s desires don’t matter and coercion becomes normalized.”
Studies show that white evangelical women report the lowest sexual satisfaction of any religious group—and teachings emphasizing wives’ sexual duty (without equal emphasis on husbands’ emotional/relational duty) may be a factor.
Egalitarian alternative: Mutual desire and mutual responsibility. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 says “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
Note: It’s mutual. Both spouses have responsibilities. Both spouses have authority over the other’s body.
Prioritizing Husband Over Children
Howerton emphasized that wives must prioritize their husbands over their children: “You are not one flesh with your children. Even though your children came from your flesh, you are one flesh with your husband and your husband alone.”
He criticized wives who let children co-sleep, warning this leads to divorce at age 60.
The concern: This teaching can minimize mothers’ instincts and shame women who are responding to their children’s legitimate needs. Extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping for comfort, or prioritizing a child’s medical/emotional needs shouldn’t be framed as threatening the marriage.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Jennifer Degler notes: “Healthy families don’t operate on a hierarchy of ‘spouse first, then children.’ They operate on discernment—sometimes the baby’s needs are most urgent, sometimes the marriage needs priority, sometimes a teenager in crisis needs focused attention.”
Egalitarian alternative: Both parents equally prioritize both the marriage and the children’s needs. The goal isn’t a rigid hierarchy but a healthy family system where everyone’s needs matter.
The “Quarrelsome Wife” Section
Howerton read multiple Proverbs about quarrelsome wives, including comparing nagging to waterboarding—”a torture method used by foreign militaries.”
He warned single men to watch out for women who don’t naturally submit to authority.
The concern: This language stigmatizes women who disagree with their husbands or advocate for themselves. In abusive relationships, verses about “quarrelsome wives” are frequently used to silence women who object to mistreatment.
Researcher Beth Allison Barr, author of The Making of Biblical Womanhood, argues: “When we teach that a ‘godly’ woman never questions or challenges male authority, we create conditions where abuse can flourish unchecked.”
Egalitarian alternative: Proverbs also warns about foolish and wicked people (not just wives). These verses describe genuinely destructive behavior—constant conflict, undermining, contempt—not healthy disagreement or advocacy.
