One of the best things we can do for our teens is to ask them questions to better understand why they want to have so much screen time. For example, What do you think is the ideal amount of screen time per day for you? And how do you know when you’ve hit that mark? How do you feel after an extended time of looking at social media? Would you be willing to keep track of it in a journal each day for a week?
When we peel back the layers of hours and hours on social media, we find teens who are searching for meaning, for connection, for affirmation, for community, for hope, for dreams. And we find teens who are running from loneliness, from isolation, from the mundane, from real pain and real wounds.
The problem is that they are running to the wrong place. This leads me to point three.
Third, Help Them Find the Good.
We’ve heard it before—technology isn’t all bad. The Internet has allowed us to expand our understanding of the world and to feel more globally connected. It has allowed us to stay connected to those we don’t see. It has allowed creativity to flourish. And of course, it has allowed for the promises in the Bible to be more available than at any point in history due to apps like YouVersion.
The key to a healthy relationship with our screens isn’t necessarily to throw them away. Sometimes we just need to transform them for good.
This generation of teens are activators who want to change the world. They rightfully believe that bad can be overcome and that they can be part of the answer to our world’s problems! But what often happens is that in their social media usage, they become passive observers rather than active participants.
One of the best things we can do for our teens is to help them envision what it would look like to use their screen time not for scrolling, but for greater impact and good. As we have conversations with our kids and engage them with questions, we can help them step into the story of making our world better. What’s your favorite stuff to look at? Who is creating the content you like? Why do you like it?
As we talk with them, we help them find ways to use technology for good. This can take numerous forms—for example, daily messaging friends and others to tell them you appreciate them or commenting on posts when people are being more vulnerable and authentic.
Healthier Kids
There is, of course, a case to be made for taking time away from screens as we build stronger, more thoughtful and engaged kids. In his book Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, Nir Eyal suggests the “ten-minute rule,” in which we wait ten minutes when the urge to hop on our phones hits us. I have found this to be a great suggestion and one that, when paired with the above proactive responses, can lead to healthy, happier, more present kids.
At the end of the day, our hope for teens is simple: Instead of searching in the wrong places and running from the pain and worries of life, teens would find that there is a real God who knows them and is the answer to their biggest questions and deepest wounds. No amount of screen time can meet those heart desires.
