3. The Couple Stops Dreaming Together.
When a couple is dating they have lots of dreams together. They discuss their future. They dream about where they will live and travel. They dream about family and adventure. It’s an energy which fuels the relationship. When it stops, the fuel it brought stops.
Many times we get so distracted with life stuff—the kids, work, paying the bills—it becomes all we have to talk about anymore. Those things we once dreamed about are replaced with current demands. This is natural, but it can de-fuel a marriage.
When is the last time you spent time talking about the future—your future as a couple?
4. The Couple Is Bored.
I’ve long said this is one of the leading causes of marriages unraveling. Couples quit dating—quit laughing—quit having fun together. They get caught in the routines and busyness of life. Boredom sets in and the closeness they once shared begins to drift. The enemy loves this and suddenly one or both spouses seek excitement elsewhere. Dangerous.
Do you remember when you once couldn’t wait to see your spouse again? You were newly involved and they were the first person you thought about in the morning and the last person at night? What was it about them which captured your attention about them? Chances are it’s still there—you simply haven’t noticed in a while.
When is the last time you belly laughed with your spouse? When was the last time you remember the marriage being “fun”?
5. The Couple Lives Separate Agendas.
It’s OK to have separate identities. That alone doesn’t equal a marriage falling apart It’s OK to have separate interests. I would even encourage it. It keeps things interesting. But, it’s not OK to have separate agendas. The agenda of a marriage should be two very different people blending those differences into one. When this is not happening—the strength of the marriage will slowly—or quickly—fade.
Is it time to get back on the same page with each other? We have found sometimes (many times) we need to set aside time—just the two of us—to reconnect and get realigned with where we are as a couple and where we are going.
It will take intentionality on your part—and granted, on both of your parts—to address these issues. But, a good marriage is worth the effort.
I’m praying for your marriage—as I continue to pray for mine. Stand firm.