7 Healthy Ways to Conflict Resolution
I have learned (through trial and error), that these seven strategies below can help me deal with conflict.
I hope they can help you.
They can work with coworkers, with a boss, with a volunteer, with a friend—with anyone you have a relationship with.
Here are 7 ways that I hope can help you resolve conflict with someone you work with:
1. Own your part of the problem.
Conflict and even bad chemistry is almost never 100 percent one person’s fault.
One of the best expressions I’ve heard on how to figure out the extent to which you might be part of the problem is to ask a compelling question: What’s it like to be on the other side of me?
Jeff Henderson asked that question in a great series at North Point Church called Climate Change.
You can listen to the message for free here and a scroll through the small group questions, in and of itself is instructive. Own what you can.
So … what is it like to be on the other side of you? Ask some people.
2. Go direct.
Issues in the church are often mishandled because we talk about someone rather than to someone.
Your co-worker at the water cooler isn’t the problem, so why talk to him about it?
Jesus was crystal clear on how to handle conflict, but very few Christians follow his practice.
In the name of being ‘nice’ (I can’t tell her that!), we become ineffective.
Talk to the person you have the problem with. Directly. Or else just be quiet about it.
3. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
The person you’re upset with might not realize how they are coming across. It’s OK to say that out loud.
“Rachel, you might not realize this, but sometimes your emails can come across as demanding or even demeaning. I’m not sure you’re aware of that, but I just wanted to let you know how they leave me feeling sometimes.”
That gives the person an out, and frankly, many times, they probably had no idea they were coming across negatively.
Giving a person an out and the benefit of the doubt preserves their dignity.
4. Explain. Don’t blame.
How to talk to the person you’re struggling with is where many people struggle.
And those conversations often go sideways because people begin with blame.
Don’t blame. Explain.
Instead of saying “You always” or “You never” (which might be how you feel like starting), begin by talking about how you experience them.
If you’re dealing with an ‘angry person’ for example, you might frame it this way: “Jake, I just want you to know that when you get upset in a meeting, it makes me feel like the discussion is over and I can’t make a contribution.”
