#1. Don’t feed the lie that you have a perfect life.
If you walk into the office one morning after having to deal with cranky kids and an exhausted spouse, don’t put on a fake spiritual smile, say “I’m blessed!” when asked how you’re doing, and pretend everything’s OK. Don’t take out your frustrations on your team, but if anyone asks, be honest. “Today didn’t start out that great so I need a few minutes to get focused.”
#2. Be honest about your spiritual walk.
If you’re not reading your Bible and praying for hours each day, don’t pretend this is required for all believers (it’s not, by the way). If you’re doing good some days with a quick prayer asking for wisdom and remembering a single verse you memorized years ago, it’s OK to mention that to your team. Don’t present that as ideal, since it isn’t, but be a little vulnerable with them. Let your team know you struggle with making time to spend with God too. Then share ways you’re working to correct the problem and ask them to hold you accountable.
#3. When you mess up—own it.
Were you in a bad mood and took it out on your team? Admit it and apologize. Did you get so excited about a new idea that you bulldozed your team and added a ton to their already full plates without asking for their input? Make it right. Depending on their level of spiritual maturity, they may try to make excuses for you and absorb your behavior. Make sure they know you were wrong and that you’re seeking to make things right.
#4. Be accountable.
Who can tell you “no”? Who feels safe to meet with you one-on-one and lovingly confront you? If two to three people don’t immediately come to mind, you have a problem. No matter how long you’ve been in leadership, no matter how solid your character or relationship with God, you must be accountable to someone else. Whether this is a Board of Directors, elders or close friends who’re willing to “tell it like it is,” please protect yourself and those you lead by being accountable. It’s too easy to believe the accolades of people who’re depending on you for a paycheck or who see you as someone with spiritual authority. Find two to three people who don’t depend on you for anything, who you can trust to be honest and upfront with you. Andy Stanley stated at a recent Catalyst One Day conference that “the more influential you become, the more accountability you should have.” I couldn’t agree more.
Leadership is a privilege and a responsibility. Especially in the church, you’re leading people who are placing their trust and respect in you. They see you as someone with spiritual authority. That is a weighty responsibility. It may not be fair or right for them to have such high expectations, but part of the burden of leadership is knowing they have those expectations and deciding how to handle it.
Periodically, ask yourself if people respect you more or less as they get to know you better. Maybe even ask a few people that very question. Let them know you want the unvarnished truth and thank them even if they tell you something that’s hard to hear. Let’s not become the emperor with no clothes. Let’s be leaders who people respect more the closer they get.
How do you make sure those you lead respect you more the closer they get?
