How to Deal With People Who Don’t Like You

Rejection is powerful. How do you deal with it?

When I counsel people, I sometimes hear them say, “I don’t care if people like me, as long as they respect me.” Psychologist Marcia Reynolds calls this an emotional wall designed to block the sting of rejection.

The truth is, God created us to be social. And if we’re honest, we all care whether people like us. Psychologist Abraham Maslow even taught that love, affection, and belonging are essential for us to reach the highest levels of growth and wisdom. In other words, we need people to survive.

So how do you keep from withdrawing when someone doesn’t like you?

You’re not alone in this struggle. David dealt with it too. After Nathan anointed him as the future king of Israel, Saul became his bitter enemy. Like David, all of us face people who dislike us or wish us harm. This is exactly where David found himself in 1 Samuel 24.

Saul wanted him dead. He spent months chasing David to kill him. Then one day, Saul unknowingly walked right into the cave where David and his men were hiding.

Imagine your biggest critic, your harshest “hater,” suddenly standing in front of you without knowing you’re there. Most of us would strike back without hesitation, especially if it meant an end to running and hiding.

But David chose a different path.

Even though he was tired, hunted, and hurt, he honored God first. Saul was still the king God had anointed, and David refused to kill him. He denied his impulse because he wanted to obey God more than he wanted to get even.

As believers, we face the same choice. We can do what we want, or we can do what is right. David honored God when he had the chance to settle the score, and later in life, God honored David.

So how do you keep critics, enemies, or haters from pulling you down?

3 Ways To Deal With People Who Don’t Like You

1. Try to Understand Them.

Haters usually carry unresolved issues—sometimes issues they don’t even acknowledge. What they “hate” about you may actually be:

1. Something they hate about themselves, or

2. Something they secretly admire in you.

Their problem isn’t really you. It’s their own internal battles. Try to see from their perspective. Instead of resenting them, you may find yourself feeling compassion.