When I was about 19 years old and a very new Christian, an older believer encouraged me to love Jesus with my whole heart and to hold nothing back. That kind of encouragement matters deeply to young Christians.
To make his point, he turned to John 21:15–17. Through tears, he read the passage aloud and explained what he believed was happening beneath the surface of the text. As he read, he contrasted two Greek words for love, agape and phileo, inserting the Greek terms after the English ones as he went.
15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me—agape love—more than these?”
He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you—phileo love.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.”
16 He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me—agape love?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you—phileo love.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.”
17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me—phileo love?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me—phileo love?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you—phileo love.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.
After reading, my friend wiped away his tears and said something like this:
“If you don’t know the Greek, you miss what’s really going on. Jesus is asking Peter if he loves Him with unconditional, God-like love. Peter keeps responding with brotherly love. Finally, Jesus lowers the bar and asks Peter if he even loves Him that much.”
At the time, I remember thinking how impressive that insight sounded. It felt deep. It felt spiritual. It felt like something you could only see if you really knew the Bible.
The problem is, it isn’t actually insight at all.
It’s a classic case of over-interpreting Greek synonyms and then building an entire theology on that over-interpretation. I’ve heard versions of this explanation preached more times than I can count, often framed as “the three kinds of love in the Bible.”
Agape vs Phileo and the 3 Kinds of Love
- Eros – Erotic or sexual love (the bad kind, or lowest kind in the matrix)
- Phileo – Brotherly or familial love (a better kind than eros, but still not the best kind in the matrix)
- Agape – Perfect or unconditional, or even “The God-kind,” of love (the best kind in the matrix)
This framework is incredibly common. It also sounds authoritative. The issue is that it doesn’t hold up under close reading.
What’s often happening here is what might be called “Strong’s Concordance Greek.” People learn to look up Greek words without understanding Greek grammar, usage, or narrative context. Word meaning, in Scripture as in any language, is shaped primarily by how a word is used, not by a definition pulled from a lexicon.
The result is teaching that sounds deep but actually misses the point of the text entirely.
