4 Process Strategies for Mastering Confrontation
As a leader dealing with confrontation regularly, it’s helpful to continuously gather tools and resources for practical help when confrontation arises. We know there is no one formula to use per conflict. With each team member comes new ways to process and new ways to address healthy confrontation.
These four process strategies can be added to your tool belt as you process the “how” behind confrontation.
1. Esteem
Hands down, you’ll receive the best results when dealing with confrontation in a way that esteems others. The lack of concern for this is like a gardener who neglects to prepare the soil before planting. There shouldn’t be any expectation for healthy growth in that environment.
Alternatively, a leader who expresses value for his or her team members will lay a good foundation to begin confrontational processes. These conversations, grounded in esteem, will contribute toward healthy dialogue, greater information reception, and positive change. Let’s look at the ways we can show esteem:
Timing
One way to show esteem is by being considerate of the timing of your confrontation. Are you bringing up an issue with other people present? Whether they need to hear or not, doing so can cause quick embarrassment in a way that shuts down healthy conversation. Are you bombarding the other party in a way that will only lead to walls being put up and an on-guard posture? Consider a healthy environment for your team member to be able to receive the conversation in a safe place and timing. You could relate this discernment as needing to be a good “weatherman.” Leadership coach John Maxwell expands on that by saying good leaders are “able to read the atmosphere…Don’t let a great idea get rained on because you picked the wrong day to introduce it!”
Expressed Value
Each of us has a desire for justice rooted inside of us. And justice takes on different shapes. It’s that desire to make situations right or fair, a need to even the playing field. The negative extremes can include revenge or the desire to punish cloaked in a posture of being one who cares. However the need for justice shows up in our lives, we must root our confrontations in value for others. This is biblical. And it comes in the form of a blend of grace and truth. Jesus modeled the perfect way to reflect grace and truth. These three principles can help you as you navigate:
- Truth spoken without grace can be cruel.
- Grace dispensed without truth can be misleading.
- Either truth or grace without demonstrating esteem can be potentially manipulative or controlling.
2. Discretion
You’ve probably experienced a number of opinions on who should be included in what conversations. People enjoy information. But the danger is our motives are not always aligned with the heart of God. Information can lead to gossip. People can be hurt by learning too much information they did not need to hear. The facilitation of conversations depends on a discerning leader relying on the Holy Spirit to bring wisdom in conversation and confrontation.
And before we move forward, it’s important to do a heart check in our own lives as we bear the weight of information. Doing so can lead to pride and foolishness as we overshare. The word candor conveys the idea of honesty and forthrightness. However, being candid also allows us to be reserved and discerning about the extent of information we share.
You might have heard the term silent lying. Silent lying is the refusal to tell others what they need to know to improve the relationship or situation, when doing so really does matter. It is an acquiescent silence. So we see here that silent lying is a passive act, while discretion is active in mastering confrontation.