MEMPHIS, TN—According to sources, local dad Michael Stoutt is training up his son in the way he should go and teaching him how to be a man. Just as his father before him taught him the ways of chair-stacking at church, Michael is now teaching his son Marcus to stack chairs.
“Son, today I’m going to teach you one of the most important things you will learn as a young man,” said Michael Stoutt to his middle school son, Marcus. “Today I’m going to show you how to stack chairs.”
Ways to prepare to stack chairs
Michael explained that by stacking up chairs at his church youth group, Marcus could “wow” every girl in his class. “Once they see your strength and finesse, every girl is going to be interested in you. We’re gonna practice lifting chairs, stacking chairs, and carrying chairs,” continued Mr. Stoutt, explaining the core concepts of chair stacking.
Mr. Stoutt ran through several scenarios with his son to prepare him for whatever he might face. “Alright, I want to see some hustle! Now stack those chairs to the ceiling in under a minute!” Marcus’s father instructed. “Folding, metal, or wooden—no matter the chair, you need to be ready!”
When asked for comment after an intense stacking session, Mr. Stoutt immediately began welling up with tears. “I’m just so proud of my boy. Already he’s stacking those chairs higher and faster than his old man all those years ago.”
“Now son, one last thing: no matter the number of chairs you carry, never let them see you struggle!”
This satirical article about the “importance” of teaching youth group kids how to stack chairs originally appeared at the Babylon Bee.
