You may not hear, “My friends want me to try alcohol with them,” or “The cute boy in my class always keeps copying off my tests. I want him to like me, so I just let him.”
Instead, you may hear things like: “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.” “My head hurts.” “I didn’t sleep good last night.” “My stomach hurts.” “I’m tired.” “I wish the school year was over.”
These statements are often telltale signs of anxiety. Pressure from friends, school, sports, and parents can be one of the toughest things to alleviate in preteens.
Offer preteens understanding by letting them know the pressure they feel is real. Discuss how physical symptoms can result when we feel stress. Talk through methods for coping, even if it’s just acknowledging where the pressure comes from. (“You mentioned your friends lying to your teacher and calling you stupid when you wouldn’t lie. Do you think that might be why you’re dreading school?”)
Help kids talk through how they could approach a situation if it comes up again. Talk with them about how God guides us in the Bible to make choices that honor him. Talk about your own moments of being pressured. How did you respond? What happened? Relate to kids by talking about what you have in common and by openly sharing how you rely on God in those moments.
Additionally, use Sunday school discussion topics to share how kids can respond to pressure. For example, “No thanks. I’m not interested” or “I like you a lot, but you’ll have to do the work yourself.”
Friendship
Preteen friendships, especially among girls, can be volatile and painful. How do adults explain why friend groups turn on one another? How can kids be best friends one day and enemies the next? Why do kids gang up on each other? Why do they tell lies and spread gossip about each other?
The social pecking order is a constant struggle among preteens. While boys tend to exhibit more physical aggression, girls are much more likely to participate in relational aggression.
