Help Parents Help Their Kids With LGBT+ Questions

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There are most likely topics on your heart that you wish you could get your congregation fired up about. Many good and needful conversations never gain traction. But there is one conversation that comes preloaded with interest: how to navigate LGBT+ questions in our current cultural climate with Jesus’ truth and grace. Even more specifically, how can parents guide their children through these complex waters when they often feel ill-equipped themselves?

Let’s consider four steps towards providing the parents in your congregation with support on LGBT+ questions.

(1) Pray

I don’t need to convince you that the temperature is high in this conversation. There are many big emotions swirling around, the most prominent of which is fear. When we become afraid, we might instinctively rely on our flesh instead of seeking the help of the Spirit. And if your people are afraid, it can trigger fear in you as well.

An additional challenge is that there is strong spiritual resistance in our culture to what God has said is good about bodies and sexuality. For many, affirmation of LGBT+ identities takes on a kind of religious significance; it represents to many normal people values that are good, true, and beautiful. If we want to speak of a different value system and hold it up as better because it represents the vision of the true God, we can expect attacks. Think of how Gideon feared when he was commissioned to destroy the idol; people defend their gods.

We fail if our first step in helping our congregations is not prayer. First step, middle step, last step. We are not sufficient in ourselves to lead people to faith over fear. We are not sufficient to topple idols. We must pray for God’s power, God’s guidance, and God’s protection.

(2) Educate Yourself and Your Team

There won’t be progress on such a volatile topic if you don’t take the time to educate your team and align them with your church’s position, posture, and practices. Families will seek guidance from various deacons, elders, and leaders, and they will be better helped if everyone is speaking from a unified vision.

This may mean that you take a step back and draft or revisit your church’s position, posture, and practices on LGBT+ questions and sexuality broadly. What does the Scripture say? What resources does your specific theological tradition bring? What are the aspects of your local context that need to be considered? Is the church leadership team equipped to communicate the church’s vision and values? This is work that has to be done before parents can be resourced in a godly, effective way.

(3) Integrate Your Vision Into Church Life Broadly

Your church likely has a number of theological positions that members have no idea about. In the new heavens and the new earth, we will, all of us, possess and be possessed by full truth and full love, but we are not there yet. In the meantime, you have to consider which theological truths need special repetition and representation so that your people can stand firm in this generation. All truths are useful for all times; some truths are under special attack and need special attention.

Once you have established a rhythm of prayer and have done the work of training your team in your church’s theological vision for embodiment and sexuality, you can turn towards considering how that vision should be integrated into the whole life of the church. If you try to equip your parents on LGBT+ questions but they don’t understand how that information flows from the broader church vision for sexuality, the foundation will be unsteady. LGBT+ questions are a piece of a broader cloth, after all.

One place in which to consider doing this is in sermons and/or adult-education spaces. You could decide to have a short series on God’s positive vision for sexuality. You could audit how you will discuss your church’s position when you preach through texts that touch on sexuality, marriage, singleness, or embodiment. What is said during Sunday mornings upfront, or in other formal settings by authorized teachers, sets the tone and the agenda. It demonstrates what is “allowed” to be talked about. In my work, I still regularly encounter churches who have never talked about LGBT+ questions in a formal way. In these situations, congregants often feel lost. Good leadership looks like starting and continuing the conversation.

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Rachel Gilsonhttp://rachelgilson.com/
Rachel serves on the leadership team of Theological Development and Culture with Cru. She holds a Master of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and is currently pursuing a PhD in public theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She lives in the Boston area with her husband and daughter. Her new book, Parenting Without Panic in an LGBT-Affirming World, helps parents to teach young children what the Bible says about sexuality proactively and positively in a culture with contrasting ideas and values.

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