Marriage is an imperfect picture of a perfect reality. But there are 6 ways to lead and love your wife.
In Ephesians 5, the apostle Paul explains that God designed marriage to be a metaphor for a divine truth, giving our watching world a glimpse of what it’s like to be loved by Jesus.
God wants to use every marriage to display his beauty and grandeur. But how? In part, by having husbands leading and loving their wives in godly, nourishing, Christlike ways.
Here are six practical ways that you, as a husband, can lead and love your wife.
1. Ask Good Questions
Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” Asking your wife intentional questions is a way you can learn about the state of her soul. As a start, here are four questions you should ask your wife on a regular basis:
- How are you encouraged in your faith and life right now?
- How are you discouraged in your faith and life right now?
- In what ways can I pray for you?
- How can I grow as a husband, father, and Christian?
2. Serve Your Wife
Ask yourself daily, What can I do today to make my wife’s day easier? Perhaps it’s doing the laundry, washing the dishes, taking the kids to soccer practice, or making dinner.
Husband, remember that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve (Mark 10:45). He didn’t kick off his shoes and demand that we cater to his every need. On the contrary, he washed feet, cared for little kids, and comforted weary people. In the same way, remember that your home is not only a refuge for relaxation, but also a context to serve. Look for creative ways each day to serve your wife at home.
3. Make Time for Your Marriage
If you do not make time for your marriage, you will not have time for your marriage. Life is busy. We must be intentional about prioritizing marital health by instituting calendar rhythms. If we don’t intentionally schedule rhythms for marriage strengthening, our marriages will likely suffer. This will look different for each couple, depending on their season of life, but here are some of the rhythms my wife and I have in our marriage:
- Pray daily (typically at night)
- Date weekly (typically Friday nights)
- Escape monthly (all-day thing)
- Getaway quarterly (one overnight)
- Retreat annually (several days together)
Plan regular touchpoints with your wife—and put them on the calendar.
4. Study Your Wife
The apostle Peter tells husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way” (1 Pet. 3:7). One way we do this is by studying our wives. Do you know your wife’s heart as well as you know the statistics of your favorite sports team? If I asked you for your wife’s current likes, dislikes, and dreams, would you have an answer? You will never learn about these things unless you (1) are intentional in conversation with her and (2) listen more than you talk.
So put down the remote, your phone, or whatever keeps you from talking meaningfully with your wife, and invite her into concentrated conversation. Model James 1:19 in your marriage. Study your wife by listening to her.
