This isn’t just a theory. I’ve had these conversations with my kids. I’ve asked them to speak up any time I become condescending or demanding. And I’ve promised to respect them when they have the courage to call me out.
That means I don’t get angry when they’re honest. I don’t walk off in a huff or look for reasons to blame them and change the subject. I take it like a man and thank them for their courage and love.
For example, I get upset when mechanical things don’t work. If a computer program or TV remote or lamp doesn’t work the way I want it to, my reaction isn’t pretty! When my face gets red and I begin to growl, my kids can say, “Calm down, Dad. Have some patience.” That’s enough to remind me of my commitment to them to maintain my cool.
When they speak up, I don’t bark, “You can’t tell me to be patient! Can’t you see this darn thing isn’t working?” Instead, I thank them for the loving reminder. My relationship with them is far more important than my desire to have electronic components run smoothly. And because I’ve asked for their input, they are validated as valued, respected people.
Parents: Go Speak These Words Now
How about you? Do your kids have permission to respectfully call you out when you make a mistake? Do you need to “man up” or “woman up” and bring yourself to say those two powerful words? If so, do it now!
Get up from the computer, call your kids to the living room, turn off the TV, and say it. “I’m sorry.” They are two of the most powerful words parents can say to children. So speak those words. Then watch the healing begin.
Adapted from my book Talk Now and Later: How to Lead Kids Through Life’s Tough Topics
